What made me laugh today...

[HAL]

Is it the only one?

[5150]

A wine that I was wanting to try/purchase had these tasting notes.

Fleshy red fruit flavours are still evident despite this wines obvious age. The flavours are, in a word, opulent. There is mocha, cassis, soft port like character along with smoked meats and pencil shavings.

[stui magpie]

^ Given that she is now the ex-wife, HAL, one doubts it.

No doubt involved. Utter WOFTAM.

[HAL]

What else is the [he or she]ex[he or she]-wife you one doubts it?

[Tannin]

A wine that I was wanting to try/purchase had these tasting notes.

Fleshy red fruit flavours are still evident despite this wines obvious age. The flavours are, in a word, opulent. There is mocha, cassis, soft port like character along with smoked meats and pencil shavings.

Yes. There is a missing apostrophe. Well spotted!

[David]

Pencil shavings! I used to chew pencils when I was young. Sounds great.

[5150]

Pencil shavings! I used to chew pencils when I was young. Sounds great.

And when you gnawed right through that timber delight and struck gold hitting the lead inner centre... you then realise you've grabbed the sickly kids pencil case by accident.

[watt price tully]

Catherine Deveny's rant about restaurant wankery. So true.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... re-cheaper

We're onto you lot now. A tasting plate is just code for "stuff we are about to throw out". Smashed avocado, crushed potato, and bruised garlic. Why don't you just admit the green grocer dropped the box on the way in?

Oven baked, pan fried, garden fresh, hand picked? As opposed to what? Guitar baked, filing cabinet fried, pants fresh and arse picked? Twice cooked? Doesn't that just mean reheated in the microwave? So it's a deconstructed apple crumble. Looks like you just couldn't be stuffed putting it together and are veiling apathy with "an intimate interaction with the produce".

We know rustic just means put in an old pot on a chopping board. And what's with the chopping boards? WE GET IT. They arrived just after the giant pepper grinders left.

We're not playing any more and you've only got yourself to blame. Stuff kale. Stuff aioli. Stuff coulis. And particularly, stuff activated almonds.

We're not coming to your restaurant and paying reassuringly expensive prices to convince ourselves we've had a good time. We want stew in the bistro for tea. And a beer. For $20. And make it snappy.

Great stuff.

Catherine is back

[5150]

The happy thread.

[think positive]

Paid junior to clean upstairs today. When I got home from work, I said " you did a great job"

She says " how does your bust get so dusty?"

Both hubby and I spilt our coffee!

Bath, she meant bath.

And I have no idea!

I'm just glad she didn't say cobwebs

[stui magpie]

^

Ha ha ha.

In either case you could just respond that if her father paid more attention they'd be nice and shiny.

[stui magpie]

Heard this on the radio yesterday, had to google it to find a link to the story.

man convicted of manslaughter after killing his wife with a Dutch Oven

http://www.netrider.net.au/threads/dutc ... ng.162208/

Mr Brian Flannery was convicted of 2nd Degree Manslaughter today at Peckham Crown Court, receiving a 5 year suspended sentence for the accidental death of his wife, Gloria Flannery, by toxic suffocation, after he gave her a 'Dutch Oven' that went, as the Judge described it, 'horribly, horribly wrong'.
The case for the prosecution argued for the charge of Murder, putting it to the court that, late one weekday evening as Mrs Flannery was reading a Jackie Collins novel in bed and unwinding for sleep, she was suddenly and forcibly pinned under the duvet by Mr Flannery, who sealed the edges with his weight while simultaneously releasing an enormous bolus of flatulence, which displaced all the available oxygen so that Mrs Flannery passed out nearly instantly, and was dead within 30 seconds.



Arguing for the defence, Mr Cavendish QC, stated that Mr Flannery was deeply upset and regretful. The incident was intended as a light-hearted practical joke, indeed it was the first time Mr Flannery had even tried what is commonly known on the street as a 'Dutch Oven', and even then only after hearing some friends talking one evening in the pub after five-a-side football, about 'doing it' to their wives 'all the time'.

They argued that Mr Flannery had miscalculated two crucial factors which led to the tragic outcome. The first being Mrs Flannery's military tucking in of the 600 weight cotton sheets when she made the bed that morning, which created a near airtight seal . Secondly, Mr Flannery had neglected to remember that he had attended a long business lunch at an Indian restaurant on Brick Lane that day, at which he had consumed a dozen onion Bajees, eight Poppadom, six Samosas, and an extra large beef Vindaloo with garlic naan, all washed down with 8 pints of Guinness beer. The resulting trapped wind, which he released within a 6 inch proximity of Mrs Flannery's face, came in at around 6 litres gas of 95% methane by volume.

During sentencing, the judge, The Hon Dame Roberts, said, "I accept that you did not intend that your wife should die in this manner, and I note both your grief and regret, which is why I will suspend your sentence on the grounds of time already served. Nonetheless, the conviction remains, in the hope that you will be an example to other husbands and boyfriends across the UK, and a ray of light to their long suffering wives and girlfriends, that this frankly gross, and often dangerous practice can no longer be taken lightly, or risk facing such tragic consequences as you have."

Outside the court, an emotional and weary Mr Flannery said, "I am truly very sorry for what I did to my wife, and living with the guilt of what I done is punishment enough. I just hope that others will learn from my mistake. I swear, I will never, ever fart in a woman's face again. At least, not in private."

See what he ate? How to build an arse bomb.

[5150]

Not sure whether to be disgusted or try it at home (without the military tuck)

Oh, and the murder...

[David]

They did point out that it was a joke article, right?

Sometimes I worry about these new-fangled 'radio stations'.

[stui magpie]

^

Why ruin a good story with facts?