Jokes Jokes and More Jokes

Post by **think positive** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 8:06 pm

Hehe some really funny ones there

5150 · Post by **5150** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:20 pm

"Aussie Cricketers"

Q.. What do you call an Aussie cricketer with a bottle of champagne?
A. A waiter.

Q.. What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
A. Retired.

Q.. What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A. A fisherman.

Q.. Why can no cricketer drink wine in Australia at the moment?
A. They haven't got any openers.

Q.. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussie cricketers?
A.. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

Q.. What does an Australian batting in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
A. They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

Q.. What's the height of optimism?
A. An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.

Post by **think positive** » Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:00 pm

Heheh eye

Go poms!

5150 · Post by **5150** » Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:13 am

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to
spice up her dead sex-life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa
opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs - enough times that her
husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."

He never heard the gunshot...

Post by **think positive** » Mon Sep 02, 2013 12:52 pm

Your still hanging on to those brazillians I see!

Post by **stui magpie** » Tue Sep 03, 2013 4:27 pm

5150 wrote:A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to
spice up her dead sex-life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa
opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs - enough times that her
husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."

He never heard the gunshot...

Alternative ending.

http://www.chrisspivey.co.uk/?p=11083

Post by **stui magpie** » Wed Sep 04, 2013 12:11 pm

This made me laff.

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a noted specialist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist. So she made an appointment.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said, "OK preeze, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of loom."

Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me."

And, so she did.

Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said, "You probrem vewy bad. You haff Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haff sex or date."

Confused, the woman asked, "Oh my God, Dr Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?

"Disease is when face rook Ed Zachary rike your ahss."

Post by **stui magpie** » Wed Sep 04, 2013 12:26 pm

Culprit · Post by **Culprit** » Fri Sep 13, 2013 7:03 am

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was f****n' skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

Culprit · Post by **Culprit** » Fri Sep 13, 2013 8:24 am

Post by **stui magpie** » Fri Sep 13, 2013 8:47 am

Post by **Dark Beanie** » Fri Sep 13, 2013 10:31 am

Shouldn't laugh but.....LOL.

Culprit · Post by **Culprit** » Mon Sep 23, 2013 7:17 am

I'm reaching out because a friend of mine needs some help !!!!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him
get an erection.
When he came back, he tossed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.
Can you help him????

luvdids · Post by **luvdids** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 3:11 pm

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones..... but the people in Abu Dhabi do!!

Post by **think positive** » Tue Sep 24, 2013 5:20 pm

Culprit wrote:I'm reaching out because a friend of mine needs some help !!!!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him
get an erection.
When he came back, he tossed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.
Can you help him????

Hahahahahaha that's a classic!

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Jokes Jokes and More Jokes