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Post by **think positive** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:31 pm

5150 wrote:A recent study showed women that are carrying a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Truth

Lazza · Post by **Lazza** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 4:21 pm

Abbott talking to Obama today.................(Parody)

Abbott: "Mr. President, I was in Canadia last week and the call themselves Canadians. I have been informed that there is a country called Cyprus. Its citizens are called Cypriots; if we change the name of my country Australia which I'm representing to 'Idi' our citizens would be called... Idiots".

Obama: "Yes, I can see that!"

Lazza · Post by **Lazza** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 4:23 pm

A story goes that a shark was asked why rabid right wingers were his preferred food. He replied "because their brains being small are a tasty morsel, their spines being supple I can chew on them at leisure - and they come delightfully marinaded in alcohol.".....

Post by **stui magpie** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 7:09 pm

Lazza wrote:A story goes that a shark was asked why rabid right wingers were his preferred food. He replied "because their brains being small are a tasty morsel, their spines being supple I can chew on them at leisure - and they come delightfully marinaded in alcohol.".....

Don't you mean it's because the Lefties all still vow and declare that the Krudd/Gillard government was good, and not even a shark could swallow that.

Post by **stui magpie** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 11:57 am

Jimmy Savile jokes.

Apparently Jimmy Savile was asked to stop attending church several years before he died. The priests used to fight each other over who's turn it was to hear his confession.

What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and a greyhound? the greyhound waits for the hare to appear.

jimmy savile's last request was that after his death his ashes were to be put in an etch-a-sketch so that kids can still fiddle with his knob!

News flash: scores of dyslexic parents have just beaten up Jimmy Sommerville.

I see Jimmy Savile's family have removed his headstone, along with all the flowers growing alongside, out of respect to his victims. So, that just leaves a small hole with no bush around it - just what Jimmy would have wanted!

The Vatican has revealed that Jimmy Savile was only two rapes away from getting his own parish

They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary. His last entry was about 10 years old.

My wife asked me to take her to the bedroom and make her feel young again. She wasn't impressed with the white wig and cigar.

What do you get if you're accused of rape and child abuse when you die?Away with it.

What's the difference between a brothel and a special school? Nothing, if you're Jimmy Savile.

What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and Mohammed?
One spoke a load of bollocks, thought he was very special and molested children and the other......
Oh hang on a second......

Post by **David** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:19 pm

Black humour is alive and well.

Post by **think positive** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:23 pm

how many carlton players does it take to change a light bulb?

doesn't matter, they cant climb the ladder

Tannin · Post by **Tannin** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 5:21 pm

^ like

Post by **stui magpie** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:36 pm

In more news in Britain a 13 year old girl was raped by a well known public figure in what the BBC likes to refer to as "work experience"

Following Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris, the BBC has been stunned with allegations that yet another star was involved in sex abuse. Basil Brush has lodged a writ claiming to have been anally fisted on a daily basis for decades while at work.

Lazza · Post by **Lazza** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 10:02 am

Skippy the bush kangaroo has come forward today after years of silence......

She say's not only did Rolf Harris tie her down but the dirty bastard went on to sing about it !

Culprit · Post by **Culprit** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 6:29 pm

Post by **think positive** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 7:58 pm

Hahahahaha! Love it

Culprit · Post by **Culprit** » Fri Jul 04, 2014 7:53 am

Skippy the bush kangaroo has come forward today after years of silence.
She say's not only did Rolf Harris tie her down but the dirty bastard went
on to sing about it !

Tannin · Post by **Tannin** » Sun Jul 06, 2014 9:54 am

Q: Why don't blind people sky dive?

A: It scares the crap out of the dog.

Post by **stui magpie** » Tue Jul 08, 2014 6:28 pm

A ventriloquist touring Victoria, walks into a small village in Gippsland and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. Lets call the local, for want of a better name, Swoop.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the local "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"

Swoop: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid townie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Swoop: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this bloke your owner?" (pointing at the local)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Swoop: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Swoop: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Swoop: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the local)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Swoop: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your Goat?"

Swoop: (in a panic) "The goat's a liar!!" :

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