What made me laugh today...
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think positive
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Dark Beanie
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3.14159
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I made 3 people laugh yesterdae.
I had nothing to do so I got a lift and went for a morning walk through Creswick to St Georges lake with a friend .
It was a good 5 k walk with a stop for a thermos of coffee and some of her home-made cookies.
We sat watched the dog take a swim and I asked her why she hardly ever laughed at my jokes?
She said my jokes just aren't that funny, mostly.
Fair enough some people have no sense of humour I thought and bit later we headed back.
As we were walking around Creswick oval we saw 2 old blokes with metal detectors intently combing the left wing.
What do you think they are doing 3? my friend said!
Not a clue I'll ask'em! How you doing, any luck?
Not really mate, coupla bux in coins, a bit of old metal that might be miners buckle, not much else!
Oh, says I, I thought you might be looking for the 1927 premiership cup, your not the first to dig there looking for it!
Cup, what cup? Hey Frank, come ere this bloke knows something about the location of some lost premiership cup!!!
His mate came over and I gave'em a potted history of the solid silver cup that was won by Creswick against Dean in "blood-bath" Grand final of 1927.
So you think it's buried somewhere round here, on the oval???
Nar mate, it's not widely known but it was found back 83 in chook shed at Broomfield but disappeared from the Daylesford police station a few daes later.
The locals have very long memories have round-ear so they hushed it all up but we stihl get the odd bloke having a look, or in your case 2 blokes.
Oh they said, err you must be a local*? err where do you reckon we should look Slatey Gully, the creek on the other side of Springbank Hill?
I put my hand on my chin and said...If your lookin for gold I'd have a look down there in the left forward pocket at the creek end, they say there's several ounces down there but no-ones game to game to go lookin for em!
Why's that?
The 27 granny again. That's Where the Brown twins had all their front teeth knocked out, every single one 24 carat gold!
That's what started the Bloodbath Grand Final!
Jeeez mate, why didn't they pick em up and put in some milk?
Milk? These big farm boys didn't drink milk when they played footy, they drank beer!
So who were these Brown twins?
Both were spud farmers 6 foot 3, across the shoulders.
They cut down mighty trees and in their spare time went to the Olympics and won gold medals lifting weights and breaking world records!!!
But eating spuds was was what they loved so they melted down the medals and had them made into front teeth!
Chris the capt, Dan the full foward.
Must have been a big barsterd to have knocked their front teeth out?
Well as said they were big basterds, bit of temper too, both of em.
So what happened, who was brave enough to take them on?
Err well you see it was a great match to watch, lot a speed lotta skihl, Creswick won by 20 goals.
I thought you said it was blood bath?
Well after they accepted the Cup, Dan accused Chris of not passing to him when he was on his own 10 feet from goal. There was seconds on the clock and Dan needed that goal to reach 200 and win a bet with Chris.
Then the blue'em started! Oh my god, the locals stihl talk it!
Split a family, split a town, laid a curse!
A curse!!!
Yepp, a curse, turns out the Browns gran Ma took the cup and hid it awae where no-one would ever find it!
Said this cup was sent by a devil and if anyone ever found it the town would be destroyed.
Hmmm, now those teeth, they reckon there must be oh 5 6 ounces a GOLD there... but no-one ever been game enough ta look for em!
Anywae, gotta go see ya round guy's best of luck" and we walked off.
MY friend K was looking strangley and sidewaes at me said 3, you've only lived here 5 years how did you know all that???
I smiled and winked and walked on...then we heard these 2 blokes just let go, full belly laughs coughing snorting...etc! They asked me to come back and told me what a great shaggy dog story that was and could they buy me a beer?
I thanked then but declined, my friend is an old hippy and doesn't like beer.
What she doesn't like beer, what knid of person doesn't like beer????
I dont know?
She doesn't like my jokes either!
I had nothing to do so I got a lift and went for a morning walk through Creswick to St Georges lake with a friend .
It was a good 5 k walk with a stop for a thermos of coffee and some of her home-made cookies.
We sat watched the dog take a swim and I asked her why she hardly ever laughed at my jokes?
She said my jokes just aren't that funny, mostly.
Fair enough some people have no sense of humour I thought and bit later we headed back.
As we were walking around Creswick oval we saw 2 old blokes with metal detectors intently combing the left wing.
What do you think they are doing 3? my friend said!
Not a clue I'll ask'em! How you doing, any luck?
Not really mate, coupla bux in coins, a bit of old metal that might be miners buckle, not much else!
Oh, says I, I thought you might be looking for the 1927 premiership cup, your not the first to dig there looking for it!
Cup, what cup? Hey Frank, come ere this bloke knows something about the location of some lost premiership cup!!!
His mate came over and I gave'em a potted history of the solid silver cup that was won by Creswick against Dean in "blood-bath" Grand final of 1927.
So you think it's buried somewhere round here, on the oval???
Nar mate, it's not widely known but it was found back 83 in chook shed at Broomfield but disappeared from the Daylesford police station a few daes later.
The locals have very long memories have round-ear so they hushed it all up but we stihl get the odd bloke having a look, or in your case 2 blokes.
Oh they said, err you must be a local*? err where do you reckon we should look Slatey Gully, the creek on the other side of Springbank Hill?
I put my hand on my chin and said...If your lookin for gold I'd have a look down there in the left forward pocket at the creek end, they say there's several ounces down there but no-ones game to game to go lookin for em!
Why's that?
The 27 granny again. That's Where the Brown twins had all their front teeth knocked out, every single one 24 carat gold!
That's what started the Bloodbath Grand Final!
Jeeez mate, why didn't they pick em up and put in some milk?
Milk? These big farm boys didn't drink milk when they played footy, they drank beer!
So who were these Brown twins?
Both were spud farmers 6 foot 3, across the shoulders.
They cut down mighty trees and in their spare time went to the Olympics and won gold medals lifting weights and breaking world records!!!
But eating spuds was was what they loved so they melted down the medals and had them made into front teeth!
Chris the capt, Dan the full foward.
Must have been a big barsterd to have knocked their front teeth out?
Well as said they were big basterds, bit of temper too, both of em.
So what happened, who was brave enough to take them on?
Err well you see it was a great match to watch, lot a speed lotta skihl, Creswick won by 20 goals.
I thought you said it was blood bath?
Well after they accepted the Cup, Dan accused Chris of not passing to him when he was on his own 10 feet from goal. There was seconds on the clock and Dan needed that goal to reach 200 and win a bet with Chris.
Then the blue'em started! Oh my god, the locals stihl talk it!
Split a family, split a town, laid a curse!
A curse!!!
Yepp, a curse, turns out the Browns gran Ma took the cup and hid it awae where no-one would ever find it!
Said this cup was sent by a devil and if anyone ever found it the town would be destroyed.
Hmmm, now those teeth, they reckon there must be oh 5 6 ounces a GOLD there... but no-one ever been game enough ta look for em!
Anywae, gotta go see ya round guy's best of luck" and we walked off.
MY friend K was looking strangley and sidewaes at me said 3, you've only lived here 5 years how did you know all that???
I smiled and winked and walked on...then we heard these 2 blokes just let go, full belly laughs coughing snorting...etc! They asked me to come back and told me what a great shaggy dog story that was and could they buy me a beer?
I thanked then but declined, my friend is an old hippy and doesn't like beer.
What she doesn't like beer, what knid of person doesn't like beer????
I dont know?
She doesn't like my jokes either!
Last edited by 3.14159 on Thu Oct 29, 2015 4:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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think positive
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stui magpie
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Inspired by Luvdids in a 3way with DTM and Bucksisgod i give you Jim jefferies and things you don't say to your therapist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sxL5sKvxqQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sxL5sKvxqQ
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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luvdids
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So, I was in New Zealand a week ago, we went out for dinner, went to a few bars, walked back to the Hotel (including me being totalled enveloped in a bush that I somehow fell into) and to bed. Before bed I had a glass of water. Forgot to have bottled water and yep..... 3am I paid for it. Damn tap water. I was totally fine after the reds, the espresso cocktails, the Cointreaus, some cocktail in a jam jar, oh yeah - few tequila shots, felt fine after them. Then an hour or so after having their tap water, up it came. I'm telling you - I'm allergic to tap water!!think positive wrote:can i get some of that water?luvdids wrote:Me neither.stui magpie wrote:Talking to the daughter yesterday. She'd had a night out and was looking a tad second hand, but reminded me that she did NOT get hangovers.
So the headache she had in the morning was a tension headache from sleeping crooked and the throwing up first thing was the fault of the lime cordial in the water which must be off, but neither were symptoms of a hangover because she doesn't get hangovers.
Yes dear.
After a massive night last year (where my sister in law had to open my house and my brother had to take my shoes off!) my brother made me drink a glass of water before they left. About an hour later whilst driving the bus I was cursing that water! He gave me TAP water, I never drink tap water, for that exact reason!
Wasn't the sparkling wine, the red wine, the cocktails, the shots or the Port. It of course was the tap water.
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stui magpie
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David
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That sounds like a pretty expensive condition to have.luvdids wrote:So, I was in New Zealand a week ago, we went out for dinner, went to a few bars, walked back to the Hotel (including me being totalled enveloped in a bush that I somehow fell into) and to bed. Before bed I had a glass of water. Forgot to have bottled water and yep..... 3am I paid for it. Damn tap water. I was totally fine after the reds, the espresso cocktails, the Cointreaus, some cocktail in a jam jar, oh yeah - few tequila shots, felt fine after them. Then an hour or so after having their tap water, up it came. I'm telling you - I'm allergic to tap water!!think positive wrote:can i get some of that water?luvdids wrote: Me neither.
After a massive night last year (where my sister in law had to open my house and my brother had to take my shoes off!) my brother made me drink a glass of water before they left. About an hour later whilst driving the bus I was cursing that water! He gave me TAP water, I never drink tap water, for that exact reason!
Wasn't the sparkling wine, the red wine, the cocktails, the shots or the Port. It of course was the tap water.
"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange
Oops. Too much data.David wrote:That sounds like a pretty expensive condition to have.luvdids wrote:So, I was in New Zealand a week ago, we went out for dinner, went to a few bars, walked back to the Hotel (including me being totalled enveloped in a bush that I somehow fell into) and to bed. Before bed I had a glass of water. Forgot to have bottled water and yep..... 3am I paid for it. Damn tap water. I was totally fine after the reds, the espresso cocktails, the Cointreaus, some cocktail in a jam jar, oh yeah - few tequila shots, felt fine after them. Then an hour or so after having their tap water, up it came. I'm telling you - I'm allergic to tap water!!think positive wrote: can i get some of that water?