Stuff my mum says

[stui magpie]

So on the weekend, after cleaning up the back area I assembled a raised garden bed for a vege garden for the old girl, including recycling a bit of steel mesh up against the fence as a tomato and apple cucumber trellis. Put it all together, bought the seedlings and left her to plant it out like she wanted which she did last night.

She was telling my daughter about it Sunday night when she came over and finished the story by saying she hoped the dog didn't piss on the plants.

I said he was more likely to decide to take a lie down in there and got a look from her that would curdle milk.

So she put the plants in yesterday arvo.

I got home from work tonight and asked her if she enjoyed the nice sunny day.

She replied that first thing this morning when she got up, she looked outside to have a look at the yard and the bloody dog was lying in the raised garden bed on her plants. She went out and yelled at him to get out and all he did was roll onto his back and wag his tail.

A few whacks on the head with the mop which was the first thing she could find nearby apparently convinced him to find somewhere else to sunbake (like he doesn't have enough other choices) and she tidied up the squashed plants and stacked garden chairs all around it to keep him out.

Her mood probably wasn't helped when I burst out laughing when she told me

[swoop42]

I was threatening to make this thread a while back, after today I thought might as well do it. I'll update this on an ad hoc basis, but others feel free to throw in your own stories as well.

Mum has to be one of the most unobservant people ever and is terrible at explaining things, she is also possessed of some form of logical thinking I've never encountered before.

Some examples.

This morning she was doing some gardening. She likes plating small annuals (I think they're a waste of time) so I gave her a section of the front garden bed and told her to knock herself out. Hey, it makes her happy. So anyway, she comes to me and points to the bench seat I have on the front porch that has storage space inside and asks if I've got any snail pellets in there as something had been eating her plants.

I say yes, lift the lid and pass them to her. "Oh", she said " I didn't look in there".


FFS, Look. Anyway,Let that one go.

Bit later, I need to get the compliance plate date off her car as I'm taking her to Vic roads tomorrow to transfer the rego to Victoria. Get the keys, go out to the car.....No bonnet catch to be seen.

So I go in and ask her how you open the bonnet, her response is "you have to put the key in and turn it anti clockwise.

OK, put the key in the ignition and try to turn, and she says "No, you have to put it in the motor"

WTF, How can I put the key in the motor when I can't open the bonnet to get to it.

No, she says, in here. She goes to the front of the car and turns the Ford badge on the bonnet to reveal a keyhole.

That's not the motor mum


The kitchen bins are a great example of her logic. I have two small kitchen bins, one for recycling and one for rubbish. Each have a plastic container and you put a bin liner bag in there.

For some reason that escapes me, mum short sheets the bins by putting supermarket shopping bags in on top of the actual bin bag, reducing the bin capacity by about 70% and meaning it needs to be emptied 3 times as often. There's a very logical reason, I'm sure, it just escapes me completely.

My mum does that.

It's so you can remove smelly food scraps quicker than having to let it sit in your bin for what a week till it's full.

[think positive]

That's cos lazy buggers cram it down rather than empty it! I have three garbage compactors here!

[stui magpie]

Had the removalists deliver her stuff on Tuesday. Lot of stuffing round but she wanted her microwave in the kitchen rather than mine. OK. Done.

Come dinner time, having leftovers, I get a call from the kitchen. "How do I use this microwave".

Granted, it's a bit different in the setup to use, I think I've used it 3 times.

Tonight, she was organising her bedroom and I found a box of her ornaments in the shed. She asked if I could replace the crappy little set of drawers with one of the tables from her old lounge room. No problems.

Bloody things were buried in the middle of a pile of stuff 3m high and 4m square. Right on the bottom in the middle.

35kg if it's an ounce, got the bastard out without breaking anything (although the washing machine nearly got used as a shot put) and into the house.

God I've got some cleaning up to do before Xmas

[think positive]

Had the removalists deliver her stuff on Tuesday. Lot of stuffing round but she wanted her microwave in the kitchen rather than mine. OK. Done.

Come dinner time, having leftovers, I get a call from the kitchen. "How do I use this microwave".

Granted, it's a bit different in the setup to use, I think I've used it 3 times.

Tonight, she was organising her bedroom and I found a box of her ornaments in the shed. She asked if I could replace the crappy little set of drawers with one of the tables from her old lounge room. No problems.

Bloody things were buried in the middle of a pile of stuff 3m high and 4m square. Right on the bottom in the middle.

35kg if it's an ounce, got the bastard out without breaking anything (although the washing machine nearly got used as a shot put) and into the house.

God I've got some cleaning up to do before Xmas

Hehe so is it the shoulder or the elbow screaming now!!

[stui magpie]

^

Right now it's my liver

[think positive]

Lol!

[stui magpie]

Watching the project on 10, they showed all the protest marches against Trump's inauguration, including the womens march.

Mum just pipes up with, "oh, go home and wash your dishes"

[think positive]

Watching the project on 10, they showed all the protest marches against Trump's inauguration, including the womens march.

Mum just pipes up with, "oh, go home and wash your dishes"

Hahahaha

Trump got more fat women walking in one day than Michelle did in 8 years!

[stui magpie]

^

LOL

[Skids]

Mum telling us about her trip to the butchers with her gift voucher...

"We got some chicken kebabs, some chops and some mince, things we'll use"

[stui magpie]

^

Very practical.

Who the hell gives a gift voucher to a butchers?

[Skids]

^

Very practical.

Who the hell gives a gift voucher to a butchers?

If you ever had anything from my local butcher, Barbaro brothers you'd understand

[stui magpie]

Listening to the old girl watching footy is a hoot.

She's a Norf supporter, Majak Dawe is often a "useless black bastard" when he doesn't do what he should.

However, she loves the guy from Essendon, mcDonald tipping Woody or whatever it is, he's " Go you little black bloke".

I can't be arsed saying anything, she gets shitty when i correct her on important stuff. Like earlier.

I've got some pasta in the fridge, so I said I'd check the use by date and if it was OK, I'd cook it for dinner.

Went and checked, came back in and said " The pasta is OK"

She launches into a spiel about how we can do something else, when I spoke louder and said " I said, the Pasta is OK"

Oh. You don't need to yell.

[think positive]

Sound just like me!