#17,#11 Dayne Beams

[shawthing]

One in five men will experience an anxiety condition in their lifetime, and one in eight will experience depression. Alarmingly, one in six Australians are currently experiencing both. Grief only ads to to the stress.

What we generally see in the community is young men self medicating with drugs and alcohol and often also with increased risk taking. AFL players cannot use these maladaptive coping mechanisms that their peers utilise for obvious reasons, so they can often struggle in silence. Whatever Dayne is going through, the fact he is willing to share such an important story with the world is impressive. Yes he has support of family and club, but what is important here is by speaking out about his current experience, he normalises it for others. This in turn removes the stigma, which often encourages others to seek help. It might not be my loved one he helps, but it might be yours. Nonetheless, what he is doing is encouraging a change in perception and acceptance for depression and anxiety, not dissimilar to what Neale Daniher has done for MND.

With statistics like those above in the general community, it is safe to say that its well and truly possible that over 100 AFL players are currently experiencing what Dayne is. Quite eye opening especially as many see the life of an AFL player as privileged.

In any case, I wish Dayne the best in his recovery and if we see him grace the game in the future, well, we'll all better for it. If he doesn't, hopefully he and his family will be better for it.

Whilst a mental health RN myself, these statistics mentioned above can be verified on the Beyond Blue website.

Apologies for the lengthy first post.

Go Pies!

Thank you for this post. That's exactly why I wanted to share my wife's story.

[dmov73]

One in five men will experience an anxiety condition in their lifetime, and one in eight will experience depression. Alarmingly, one in six Australians are currently experiencing both. Grief only ads to to the stress.

What we generally see in the community is young men self medicating with drugs and alcohol and often also with increased risk taking. AFL players cannot use these maladaptive coping mechanisms that their peers utilise for obvious reasons, so they can often struggle in silence. Whatever Dayne is going through, the fact he is willing to share such an important story with the world is impressive. Yes he has support of family and club, but what is important here is by speaking out about his current experience, he normalises it for others. This in turn removes the stigma, which often encourages others to seek help. It might not be my loved one he helps, but it might be yours. Nonetheless, what he is doing is encouraging a change in perception and acceptance for depression and anxiety, not dissimilar to what Neale Daniher has done for MND.

With statistics like those above in the general community, it is safe to say that its well and truly possible that over 100 AFL players are currently experiencing what Dayne is. Quite eye opening especially as many see the life of an AFL player as privileged.

In any case, I wish Dayne the best in his recovery and if we see him grace the game in the future, well, we'll all better for it. If he doesn't, hopefully he and his family will be better for it.

Whilst a mental health RN myself, these statistics mentioned above can be verified on the Beyond Blue website.

Apologies for the lengthy first post.

Go Pies!

Thank you for this post. That's exactly why I wanted to share my wife's story.

Shawthing- I’ve met so many people wrongly diagnosed. It is devastating for everyone involved. Thank you for sharing your story in this forum. We need to continue to remove the stigma and misunderstandings around mental health.

[Wokko]

I was misdiagnosed with adult ADD and put on what is pretty much meth. The psych was eventually deregistered; he'd diagnosed every patient with the same thing and put them on the same doses of meds.

So much psychiatry is quackery, and so many of the medications are just placebos with side effects. Worse, the label and stigma of being mentally ill can be devastating. Nobody would use it as a get out of jail free card for bad life choices unless they're a borderline psychopath or an total moron.

[PyreneesPie]

Long time Collingwood supporter, but never posted here before. This is such an important social issue I just wanted to say a few things that might keep the discussion going about mental health issues.

I don't know Dayne Beams personally, although he will always be a VIP by being a Collingwood premiership player. He must be going through hell right now and I wish him all the very best for the future, whether he plays footy again or not. Just get your life sorted out mate. We're with you!

My wife's story is a harrowing one. She had a breakdown at work last year after some bullying by a new manager. Took time out on stress leave and through Workcover she got to see various psychologists. She thought they'd be on her side, but in the end she was betrayed. After four months on stress leave she got a letter from a law firm representing Workcover and her employer (collusion?) telling her that because of a supposed pre-existing condition which apparently she was supposed to disclose (news to me, I thought medical records were private) she would have to resign from work. The problem was that 30 years ago she was wrongly diagnosed with schizophrenia and this was never removed from her medical records.

She got a lawyer to represent her at the tribunal but he was worse than useless, as all he managed was to get her entitlements (much of which was swallowed up in legal fees). She lost her job through "mental illness" and apparently her bastard employer and Workcover were able to get away with this aided by the shady psychiatric and legal professions. So now she's unemployed with virtually no prospect of ever getting a job again because of the stigma attached to "mental illness" - and yet she was wrongly diagnosed!

Like Dayne Beams, she is a broken woman. And now she can't even access ongoing psychological counselling because it is not provided for under medicare. Stigma and lack of access to proper psychiatric medical care is the major reason why so many ordinary people with a "mental illness" do it so tough. I'd even suggest that the majority of homeless people in our society fit right into this category.

So with respect to Dayne Beams (we really wish you well mate), you can understand why I am not so sympathetic to the problems of rich young footballers.

We have to do something about this problem in our society. It is literally killing people!

Such a sad and infurtiating story. Any psychiatrists or psychologists available through Workcover are usually rogues, who are just puppets for Workcover, aiming to discredit the "injured" worker. It happens so often. Sigh.

[shawthing]

Any psychiatrists or psychologists available through Workcover are usually rogues, who are just puppets for Workcover, aiming to discredit the "injured" worker. It happens so often. Sigh.

You hit the nail on the head right there.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great footballers are getting the right kind of support and psychological help. It's just that ordinary people with not much money are basically forgotten.

[swooper]

I work with people with mental illness on a daily basis and on a scale of 10 they are 11. Sit Beams in a room with one guy I work with who has one arm and no legs and barely sleeps through nightmares and has treatment on daily and let Beams tell him how bad things are for him. Sorry if I really don’t give a shit about a sportsman paid big bucks.

So what you're saying is that mental illness is really only valid for the people who have had it as hard as those in the situation you describe? Get real - mental illness can affect people from all walks of life and from different backgrounds, and for different reasons. Not saying that that your cases haven't got it hard (indeed they're at the worst end of it); just can't believe you're downplaying others' mental illness.

Beat me to it tbaker. I too work with those suffering mental illness, women and children subjected to family violence, addictive behaviours of all types, assault victims, the homeless et al.

Everyone deals with these issues in their own way. Who knows what else Dayne is going through? Who knows what his full medical / psych history is?

Someone else with gambling debts and grief might deal with this stuff differently to how he is. Doesn’t mean what he’s going through isn’t valid

[dalyc]

There's no doubt Beams has issues and in saying that he will receive the best help and support money can buy. The average citizen would struggle to get any assistance. So yes feel for him but don't make out he's the only person having an issue. If he was Joe Smith playing Country Football somewhere he wouldn't rate a mention in any news service.

Well of course not, and neither would you or anyone else on a Collingwood bulletin board be having this conversation. What a weird straw man!

Otherwise, the notion that "the average citizen would struggle to get any assistance" is pretty bizarre. I presume you’re familiar with the existence of mental health care plans? I’m not saying it’s always easy to get treatment or that there are no problems with access, but using this as some kind of justification to have a go at Beams seems pretty uncalled for.

You’re seriously comparing what an AFL footballers treatment would be compared to someone on a mental health plan and deciding equivalence?

Talk about out of touch!

[think positive]

Beams might well have mental health concerns but whether that's the root of his problems or just a by product of poor personal choices and behaviour is anyone's guess. I'm less sympathetic to the latter.

Swoop your post sums up perfectly my thoughts on this subject. Particularly this bit I’ve quoted which is what I was clumsily trying to say with my Gary Lyon reference.

Sure society didn’t recognise mental health issues for way too long but there has been a massive over correction.

be thankful you dont know better than to say this.

obviously, you have no idea. lucky you.




i think we all know someone, diagnosed or not, who has been there, wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy, not even umpires.

as for the footy side, plenty of players get picked up, go out there to play and snap a hammy, do a shoulder, get knocked out, blah blah blah. no its not ideal timing, pray tell when is?

it takes an awful lot of guts for anyone, but especially a male, to come out with the honesty he has. good to see the club supporting him.

i posted this on my face book page the other day, ive had my dances with anxiety over the years and this is so so true:


anxiety isnt weakness,
living with anxiety,
turning up and doing stuff with anxiety,
takes a strength most will never know.



and lucky are those who never know.

but dont piss on someone else for it, the first time you walk in their shoes, believe me, you get it.


i have no doubt its been used as a cover by some, but im betting way more are still hiding the secret. who the hell are you to judge the size of it? shame on you. real men do cry. and far too many hide their tears, cheers


All the best to beams and his family.

[What'sinaname]

^ TP those comments aren't questioning the legitimacy of mental health issues. They are just saying that it would be disappointing if mental health was being used as a disguise for something else.

Where there is smoke, there is often fire, and we know the rumours circulating about Dayne and other issues.

[qldmagpie67]

I wasn't going to post on this topic as I think everyone understands my view on anything about Dayne can be viewed ss biased due to our relationship
I have decided to hopefully give some clarity without giving away any confidences shared on a personal level
Firstly let me say no ones opinion here is wrong everyone is entitled to feel how they feel about this

Ok since Dayne was born everything football has been centred around his father. His father was a better than average country footballer playing in the league around Yarraownga and then at the Southport sharks in the QAFL.
PHIL (teapot his Dad) was a sort of local legend in footy terms. Tough as teak but fair as the day is long. Highly respected by both team mates and opponents alike.
Dayne learned everything he knows about footy from his dad. His love of footy his skills everything that made him the footballer he is came from his dad.
When the diagnosis of bowel cancer came along in 2014 season Dayne continued to play footy each week whilst still travelling to Qld to be close to his father and his treatment. He always thought his father would be fine. As that year continued it became clear that his fathers health wasn't improving as they had hoped.
Dayne made the decision then to go back to Qld against his fathers request.
There was a window in 2016 when the diagnosis seemed more positive but unfortunately cancer has a habit of coming back and often worse then the first time.
On March 2nd 2018 his father lost his battle with cancer
Both Dayne and Claye had spent the previous couple years close to there father hoping for the best but knowing in the back of there minds that the battle mightn't be over.
Fast forward to the end of 2018 when the Lions wanted Dayne to extend his current deal and he was honest and told them of his intentions to return to Victoria post 2020 with his wife and kids.
In Dayne's mind Qld wasn't home without his father being there and he believed by going back to Victoria it would help his dealing with his fathers death
Dayne believed by returning to Collingwood where he had so many happy memories and a lot of close mates like Sidey everything would be fine
Unfortunately this isn't the case he is still suffering the same demons he was in Qld after his fathers passing
You see even though he moved away from where he could,picture his father sitting at the Gabba watching him play and cheering the same goes when he runs out to train and play in Melbourne because his father watched him there as well
Dayne hasn't dealt with his fathers passing well. We all handle grief differently.
Dayne loves football but that love comes from his father and he can't separate those 2 loves and that created conflict in his mind
How he comes to deal with it long term is the reason he's walked away from footy at the moment
The timing of this isn't ideal for either the club or Dayne but we can't choose a perfect time to get help
I can tell you this the 2 hours each week when his on the field playing with his mates is when his mind is at its best because he thinks only about football but that's only 2 hours out of a very long week 52 weeks a year
His very conflicted between the 2 and getting that right will allow him to move forward and then hopefully return to footy and be able to play the way he has in the past

For all those nicksters who have wished him well I'm sure he appreciates it as I know I do. I've seen comments from posters who I know aren't fans of Dayne but they have put that aside to wish him well and that speak volumes of them in my mind
I like everyone else hopes he gets to a place he can be both healthy mentally and physically and return to footy.

[Mr Miyagi]

Thanks qldmagpiie. We all want whats best both for the individual and for the club, and that can get tricky. Life transcends footy, especially with kids involved.

[Achilles]

Depression is a very treatable condition, I can speak from experience. It shouldn't take long for Beams to be back on his feet. What worries me though is that he's started a social media group. Not sure that's a good idea.

I've been reading a book about trolls - Troll Hunting by Ginger Gorman. It's a great read, well researched. She interviews people who troll. They're an equally sad group of people. They lack empathy and most have had a really really tough (loveless) childhoods. The best strategy is to ignore and not reply to them.

[shawthing]

I've been reading a book about trolls - Troll Hunting by Ginger Gorman. It's a great read, well researched. She interviews people who troll. They're an equally sad group of people. They lack empathy and most have had a really really tough (loveless) childhoods. The best strategy is to ignore and not reply to them.

Yes I think that's so true. Very often the cruelest people have had or are living a very sad life. The same applies to bullies.

[David]

There's no doubt Beams has issues and in saying that he will receive the best help and support money can buy. The average citizen would struggle to get any assistance. So yes feel for him but don't make out he's the only person having an issue. If he was Joe Smith playing Country Football somewhere he wouldn't rate a mention in any news service.

Well of course not, and neither would you or anyone else on a Collingwood bulletin board be having this conversation. What a weird straw man!

Otherwise, the notion that "the average citizen would struggle to get any assistance" is pretty bizarre. I presume you’re familiar with the existence of mental health care plans? I’m not saying it’s always easy to get treatment or that there are no problems with access, but using this as some kind of justification to have a go at Beams seems pretty uncalled for.

You’re seriously comparing what an AFL footballers treatment would be compared to someone on a mental health plan and deciding equivalence?

Talk about out of touch!

I don't know precisely what Beams' treatment will be, and I doubt you have much idea either. Will it be better and more intensive than what us plebs have access to? One presumes so, yeah. But my post was a direct response to Culprit's comment that the average citizen would struggle to get any assistance. That's a false and dangerous narrative, because, however underfunded and insufficient (and I do believe that care plans ought to be much more regular and intensive than they currently are), these avenues do exist for people with no or little income and they do help. And yes, I do speak from personal experience on this topic.

[PyreneesPie]

Dayne loves football but that love comes from his father and he can't separate those 2 loves and that created conflict in his mind
.

I can tell you this the 2 hours each week when his on the field playing with his mates is when his mind is at its best because he thinks only about football but that's only 2 hours out of a very long week 52 weeks a year

I was hoping you would post qldmagpies67 and many thanks for the details you provided.
What I've singled out of your excellent post in the above quotes, explains Dayne's state of mind so very clearly to me. Thank you. Let's hope that those who treat him can help him to overcome his battle with overwhelming grief and the loss of the person who shaped his identity and purpose in life.