Like that.
Remake of an oldie: You can easily figure out what word(s) are censored.
This is so funny I was crying
DIARY OF A POM IN MILDURA
August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Mildura, Victoria, Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.
September 13
Really heating up now.
It got to 31 today.
No problem though.
Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds !!
September 30
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise !
October 10
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit.
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.
October 15
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20
Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskas and cat shit.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25
This wind is a bastard.
It feels like a giant damn blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from damn Melbourne .....The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30
- The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the damn air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4
Finally got the damn air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35.
Stupid repairman.
damn thief.
November 8
- If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to damn throttle him.
damn heat!
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my damn clothes are soaking damn wet and I smell like baked cat.
damn place is the end of the Earth.
November 9
- Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car.
I thought my damn arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my damn arse.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
****. ****. ****.
November 10
-- The Weather report might as well be a damn recording..
Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny, Hot and damn sunny.
It never damn changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
****!
November 15
- Doesn't it ever rain in this damn damn place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the damn pool.
The only things that thrive in this damn hell-hole are the damn flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20
- Welcome to HELL!
It got to 45 (*&^%^&' degrees today.
Now the air conditioner gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the damn car up his damn arse.
Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
damn Mildura!!
What kind of sick, demented damn idiot would want to live here!
December 1
- WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are damn kidding me!
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