Sorry to those who have seen these already, to those who haven't read the truth......
Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their latest
> > > stamps?
They had pictures of Essendon players on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a Essendon
jersey?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.
The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered.
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is
colour-coded.
"The fourth one says, "I prefer Essendon fans. They're heartless,
spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are interchangeable."
A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total
write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend "What's happened to your car ?" "Well," the friend responds, "I ran over Matthew Lloyd". "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt ?" "Well, he tried to escape through the park."
Q. If you see a Essendon fan on a bicycle, why should you never
swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle.
Q. What do Essendon fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. What do you have when 100 Essendon fans are buried up to their
necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
> > > >>>
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead Essendon fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
> > > >>>
Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a
Essendon fan.
> > > >>>You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
> > > >>>A. Shoot the Essendon fan - twice.
> > > >>>
Q. What's the difference between Kevin Sheedy and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.
> > > >>>
Q. How many Essendon fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and Kevin Sheedy to say that if the umpire had done his job in the first place the light bulb would never have gone out.
> > > >>>
Q. What's the difference between a female Essendon fan and a pit
bull?
A. Lipstick
> > > >>>
Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a Essendon Fan ?
A. A Doberman.
> > > >>>
Q. What do Essendon Fans use for birth control ?
A. Their personalities.
> > > >>>
Q. What is the difference between a Essendon Fan and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
> > > >>>
An Essendon fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Essendon jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a St. Kilda scarf. "Hello, mate," says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Essendon fans in heaven." "What?" exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard. No Essendon fans." "But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Essendon supporter. "Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What have you done then?"
> > > "Well," says the guy, "three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa." "Oh," says St Peter. "Anything else?" "Well, two weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless. "Hmmm. Anything else?"
> > > Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans.
> > >"Okay," says St Peter, "you wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor." Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me.
> > > Here's your sixty bucks back, now piss off."
Essendon Jokes
Moderator: bbmods