Sorry guys, i found these on an email a friend sent me, and couldn't help myself.
Eight Words with 2 Meanings
1.Thingy
Female: Any part under a car's hood
Male: The strap fastener on women's bras
2.Vulnerable
Female: Fully opening oneself emotionally to another
Male: Playing cricket without a box
3. Communication
Female: Sharing thoughts and feelings with partner
Male: Leaving a note before taking off for a fishing trip with the boys
4.Commitment
Female: Getting married and raising a family
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one
5.Entertainment
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer
6.Flatulence
Female: An embarrassing by-product of indigestion
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding
7. Making Love
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can acheive
Male: Call it anything you like, as long as we do it.
8. Remote Control
Female: A device for changing TV channels
Male: A device for scanning all 375 channels every five minutes
Jokes
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again
What's a mixed feeling?
Watching your mother in law back over a cliff in your new car
What's the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name
What's the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your vasectomy
What's the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball?
Men will actually search for a golf ball
What do Tupperware and walruses have in common?
They both like a tight seal
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration
What's the difference between oooooh and aaaaah?
About three inches
Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
For traction in the mud
What's the difference between purple and pink?
The grip
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 pounds
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes
If a dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The Swallow
What is the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare
Chinese Proverbs
Virginity like bubble; one prick, all gone
Man who run in front of car get tired
Man who run behind car get exhausted
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
Foolish man give wife a grand piano; wise man give wife an upright organ
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok
Man with one chopstick go hungry
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night
It takes many nails to build a cot but one screw to fill it
Man who drive like hell bound to get there
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement
Man who fish in other man's well bound to catch crabs
Man who fart in church sits in own pew
Crowded elevator smell different to midget
Jokes
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Here are some Carlton jokes I got sent to me during the week:
What has 60 legs & 18 teeth? The front row of the Carlton Cheer Squad
What do you do for a drowning Carlton player?
Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway
What do Carlton Fans use for birth control ?
Their personalities
What would you call a pregnant Carlton fan?
A dope carrier.
Whats the thinnest book in the world?
Carlton Champions Of The New Millennium
Carlton are just like mosqutios-you have to kill them to stop them sucking
Scotland, Whitnall, Fevola are in a car, who's driving?
The Policeman
What has 60 legs & 18 teeth? The front row of the Carlton Cheer Squad
What do you do for a drowning Carlton player?
Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway
What do Carlton Fans use for birth control ?
Their personalities
What would you call a pregnant Carlton fan?
A dope carrier.
Whats the thinnest book in the world?
Carlton Champions Of The New Millennium
Carlton are just like mosqutios-you have to kill them to stop them sucking
Scotland, Whitnall, Fevola are in a car, who's driving?
The Policeman