Short Stories

[mel_kay39]

The merry band of crusaders reached the castle only to find a note on the drawbridge. "Back in five minutes" it said.
'Argh' said Snow Black. 'That's what the note on Shapelle Corby's beauty salon says. Back in 20. Course, I didn't know she meant 20 years, so there I was, sitting like a dope...'
'I think we should hide and wait for someone to get back' Sam said, interrupting Snow Black's scintillating story (not).
'Good idea' said Dean. 'There's a big bush over there. I reckon me and Snow Black should fit in there just right! The rest of you can find somewhere else'.
'That'd be right' Brendan said, sulking. 'You get the girl, and the rest of us get each other! Nice'.
'Stop sulking, emo-boy' Dean laughed. 'You get to have a crack at Katie! She's looking pretty hot these days'.
'Don't you think we should hide before someone gets back?' Sam asked, ever the practical one.
'He's right. Let's go' said Dean, grabbing Snow Black by the arm.
They both found hiding spots around the drawbridge and waited for someone to show up.
Suddenly, Dean felt a hand on his arse. 'Ooh. Snow', he grinned. 'This is no time to get frisky'.
'I'm not' Snow said.
'Then who's rubbing my...' Dean asked, and turned around. In the middle of the bush, he could just make out an evil grin with pearly white teeth.
'Aaargh!' Dean screamed. 'Its....'

[bellastar]

[mel_kay39]

...if everything went according to plan, that is! And in the way of day-time soaps and fairy tales by the Brothers Grimm, that ain't gonna happen!
Snow giggled, and put her hand down Brendan's silky boxer shorts. 'I like the lipstick prints' she said. 'I once had a pair of glow in the dark undies with a man's handprint on the back'.
Brendan nuzzled her neck. 'I know where I'd rather be putting my hand' he whispered.

****

Meanwhile, Corey had found Tom's maze of mirrors room. 'Oh, this is totally awesome' he said to himself. 'Hi, good-looking!'
While Corey was in heaven surrounded by his own reflection, Sam was walking through a hallway in another part of the mansion. There were pictures on the walls and Sam could have sworn the portraits' eyes were following him. That was because they were. When he passed a particularly scary photo of Posh and Becks, he stopped and narrowed his own eyes at it. 'I know someone's in there' he said. 'Come out and show yourself!'
Suddenly, the wall in front of him exploded and Sam was tackled to the ground by...

[bellastar]

[mel_kay39]

... Sam struggled with all his might against the brain-draining fury of the Winged Monkeys, but he was no match. 'Dean!' he screamed, as he held off one of the monkeys who was gagging to peel his scalp back from his skull. 'Where are you?'
'Step back ghouls, if you know what's good for you'.
All of a sudden, the monkeys stopped what they were doing and looked up. Then, with a ear-piercing scream of horror, they flew off into the night. Sam blinked, let go of his head (which he had been sure was about to be opened like an Easter Egg as he lay fully conscious) and looked up to see who his saviour was.
'Buffy?' he said. 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer?'
'The one and only' Buffy smiled. 'It's nice to meet a fellow demon hunter!'
'Boy, am i glad to see you here' Sam said, breathing a sigh of relief. 'I think those monkeys were about to eat me like an Oreo cookie'.
'Except without the chocolatey goodness' Buffy said, a little too cheery under the circumstances. Sam shuddered. 'Anyway, let's get out of here before they come back! I've got to find my brother'.

*****

Speak of the devil... Dean was currently in no danger whatsoever. Unless you consider eating yourself to the point of regurgitation dangerous. The Seven Dwarves had become quite decent cooks in recent times. They'd given up the diamond mining business and were branching out into catering. 'Food Magazine gave us four stars' Happy bragged.
'I don't blame them' Dean said, unable to get enough of the mini quiches and tiny egg and salad sandwichs. 'This stuff is terrific'.
'Don't fill yourself up too much' advised Doc. 'For dessert, there's Turkish Delight'.
'Oh, no thanks' said Dean, his mouth full. 'Do you got any kebabs?'
Doc frowned. 'No... Why?'
'Just had a bit of a craving for kebabs, that's all' said Dean, swallowing the huge mouthful of food. Doc felt bile rise in his throat. This guy ate like a giant...pig!
'No, just Turkish Delight' said Sleepy, yawning.
This set Dean off. 'I think I'll go and take a quick kip' he said, yawning and rubbing his stomach and forgetting about the peril his brother probably was in at this very second, knowing Sam as well as he did. But that could wait... First he really needed a lie down after that amazing brunch!
Sneezy and Doc looked at each other, and nodded. Their food was doing it's work. Now, with the disturbingly good-looking demon hunter out of the way, they could go and find Snow Black for themselves. They needed a good cook and concubine!

*****

'Gerard Way?' Brendan said, in an annoyed voice. Things had been getting hot and heavy before this prancing git had shown up. What on earth was he doing in the exact same random cloak room as them?
'Ssh' Gerard said, 'I'm hiding'
'From who?' Snow Black asked.
'Whom' Gerard corrected. 'Actually, I'm hiding from Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Since they turned up at my house and talked my wife into letting them in, we haven't been able to get rid of them! They brainwashed Lyn and now she's a total robot, willing to do their bidding. Help me, I don't want to become a Scientologist! I'm happy being who I am - malcontented, disenchanted, and at odds with my own sexuality!'
'We'll help you, won't we, Brendan' said Snow Black.
'Yeah, whatever' said Brendan, still totally pissed that their little private party had been interrupted....

*****

Corey thought he was on the brink of being crushed to death, when all of a sudden, the walls that had been closing in on him stopped moving. He got up, dusted himself off and picked up a shard of broken mirror. Ah, that was better. He could still see his reflection.
Suddenly a voice boomed at him. 'Who goes there?' it asked. The voice was familiar. Corey thought he recognised it from... Top Gun, one of his favourite movies! It was Tom Cruise himself! Suddenly Corey didn't care about trying to save Snow Black. He wanted to meet his hero. The man who made aviator sunglasses such a fad back in the eighties. The man who made dancing around your house in your tightie-whiteys fashionable.
The man who... managed to snag two of the hottest chicks in Hollywood, Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes! A wall opened in the seemingly doorless room, and in walked Tom himself.
Corey got down on all fours and started to bow to His Excellence. Cruise smiled his dazzlingly white smile and let Corey bask in his brilliance for a while. Hey, why not? It had been a long time since anyone thought he was this cool! Might as well soak in the adoration for as long as it lasted. Even Katie was looking like she was tired of his self-serving shit, as she called it!
'You can get up now' said Tom. 'What are you doing here?'
'I was admiring your amazing wall of mirrors' Corey said. 'And then they shattered and the walls started coming in on me...'
'No I don't mean what are you doing in this room. I mean, what are you doing in my mansion?'
'We uh... Came to admire your greatness' Corey stammered.
'We? As in, there are more of you?'
'Um well, I don't know where the others are. We kind of got split up' Corey said.
'We must find them' Cruise said. 'I can't have them finding their way into the basement. That would be disasterous'
'What's in the basement?' Corey asked.
'My plan for world domination... never mind. Let's just say, it would not be good' said Cruise. 'Let's go'.

*****

Matt Corby quickly untied Dean Geyer before those evil dominatrixes - aka the Veronicas - returned. That cat o'nine tails one of them was holding did not look promising. Once Dean was untied, the two failed Idol wannabes snuck down the hall, careful not to make too much noise. But then Dean's rubber souls squeaked loudly on the polished linoleum...

[bellastar]

[mel_kay39]

*****

Buffy and Sam were walking through long hallway when suddenly Sam's mobile rang loudly in the silence. Sam was embarrassed, because he had fallen for the little bunny on the ad and bought the carrot song ringtone. He went all kinds of red and quickly answered the phone before Buffy could recognise the melody.
Too late. 'Aw, that's so cute' she said, mockingly.
Sam glared at her and snapped "Yeah" into the phone.
'Sam it's Dean'
'Dean! Where the hell are you?'
'You wouldn't believe me if I told you' Dean said. 'But I'll tell you anyway. I'm at the Seven Dwarve's place. And man, can they cook!' He burped into his mobile. 'So, you guys gonna swing by here, or what?'
'We're at the castle, Dean' Sam said, impatiently. 'Not exactly in a position to come and pick you up'. He couldn't help but notice Buffy's pouty face. 'But you might want to join us here. I've got someone who really wants to meet you'.
'Who? Is she cute?'
'Dean...'
'Is she?'
'I suppose so' Sam said, looking Buffy up and down. 'She's more my type than yours, though'.
'Oh I knew it' sulked Buffy. 'He's into brunettes, isn't he?'

*****

Corey followed Tom into a large viewing room. The tv screen in there was the size of a theatre. 'Oh, this is awesome' said Corey. 'Can you get Foxtel I.Q in here?'
'I can get anything I want' said Tom. 'But right now, I want closed circuit TV. From this one room I can see all over the castle. Find out where your friends are, and activate my state-of-the-art alarm system. They won't get far, trust me'.
'Boooring' said Corey, throwing himself into an armchair and putting his feet up on the seat in front of him. 'Let's get pissed and watch porn'.
'I will not!' said Tom, outraged that Corey could suggest such a thing. 'Porn goes against all my morals! It's disgusting, it's degrading, it's...'
'It's Eyes Wide Shut' said Corey, winking. 'I saw that one, dude! Onya for bagging that Nicole babe'.
'She was my wife, you numbskull' said Tom, clenching his teeth. 'Are you in this with me or not?'
Corey shrugged. 'Yeah, alright. I wanna see what those dorky demon hunters do when you surround them with your green lazer thingies! Sam is such a $, he'll piss himself'.
Tom picked up a remote control and pushed a button. Suddenly, up there on the screen, they saw the interior of a cloak room. Mashed between a bloke who looked like the ringmaster at a baroque circus and another bloke in a marching band uniform, Snow Black was having the time of her life. 'Haha' said Tom. 'Lyn, come here'.
Out of the corner of his eye, Corey saw a beautiful emo goddess walk into the room. She was wearing a long black lace dress and stilettos. When she saw the action on the screen, she freaked. 'Oh my god; Gerard, how could you?' She cried. 'I take my eye off you for one minute, and you've got your hands all over Brendan Urie! This marriage is over!'
'Cool' Corey said, grinning. 'Hi, gorgeous. Wanna party?'
'Oh piss off, wanker' Lyn said, turning up her nose. 'I'm going to find a real man'.
Tom called after her. 'Hey, I'm a real man'
'I mean a real man with good swimmers' said Lyn. 'Aren't you impotent, or something?'

*****

Meanwhile, Dean Geyer tricked Matt Corby into heading back in the same direction they'd just come. It wasn't all that hard, really. A couple of right turns and they were right back where they started.
'Does any of this look familiar to you?' Matt asked, taking off his stupid hat to scratch his head. 'I feel like we're going in circles'.
'That's because this whole place is like a giant maze' Dean said, convincingly. 'Let's hide in here'. He opened the door of the very bedroom he'd just been rescued from.
'Gee, there are a lot of bedrooms in this joint' Matt said, yawning. 'Probably a good thing, because I sure am tired'.
Dean raised an eyebrow. This was going to be toooo easy!
'Why don't you lie down for a while' he suggested. 'No one will find you here'.
''That's a great idea' Matt said. 'With all this running around, I'm buggered'. He climbed up onto the bed and in minutes was sleeping soundly. As carefully as he could, Dean wound the chains around Matt's wrists and ankles, trying not to laugh as he worked. Once Matt was safely secured to the bed, he let out a little giggle. 'Bye, Corby' he said. 'Have fun with the twin evil bitches from hell'.

*****

While all this was going on, Katie had stepped into the light behind the forbidden door. And found herself in a giant room, with what could only be described as a spacecraft in the middle of the room.
'Oh my God' breathed Katie, holding Suri to her, protectively. 'Tom was telling the truth! Aliens are real!'
'Not exactly' said a voice that sounded oddly familiar. From under the bottom of the spacecraft, which stood about three feet from the ground, none other than Mr Saturday Night Fever himself appeared. 'This is my new private jet. It was commissioned by my Scientologist buddies at Quantas. You like?'
'Oh for Pete's sake' Katie said, rolling her eyes. 'You people are completely deluded'.
'No' Travolta said, suddenly. 'We're totally sane. It's you who is deluded Katie! And I have just the thing to help you regain your sanity'.
'What?' Katie scoffed. 'A new Prada handbag? A matching soccer husband so I can be just like Posh? What?!'
'This'
The door to the spacecraft opened and down the hatch came....