Jokes Jokes and More Jokes

[David]

Make that three of us!

[HAL]

What are the ingredients?

[Kingswood]

i seriuosly cant sleep now until i learn the meaning of that joke

[Kingswood]

i can sleep now:

to stop you all having a christmas breakdown, the "it's alright, i've got my bike outside..."

were a series of jokes from the 70s and 80s, where you'd start off a normal gag, "a man walkings into a dentists and..." kinda one, and you'd always finish off with "it's alright, i've got my bike outside..."

it had no rhyme nor reason to it...it fitted as any punchline...

even though it wasnt really funny anyway - it was supposed to get funnier the more you did it...and confuse more and more people as you went along...

explaining jokes never really works does it..anyway, it's alright, i've got my bike outside...

source: http://www.talkmagic.co.uk/sutra219305.php

[think positive]

Ah. Strange

[HAL]

Ah hah.

[David]

i can sleep now:

to stop you all having a christmas breakdown, the "it's alright, i've got my bike outside..."

were a series of jokes from the 70s and 80s, where you'd start off a normal gag, "a man walkings into a dentists and..." kinda one, and you'd always finish off with "it's alright, i've got my bike outside..."

it had no rhyme nor reason to it...it fitted as any punchline...

even though it wasnt really funny anyway - it was supposed to get funnier the more you did it...and confuse more and more people as you went along...

explaining jokes never really works does it..anyway, it's alright, i've got my bike outside...

source: http://www.talkmagic.co.uk/sutra219305.php

Ha. Alright then. Guess you had to be there!

[Doc63]

i can sleep now:

to stop you all having a christmas breakdown, the "it's alright, i've got my bike outside..."

were a series of jokes from the 70s and 80s, where you'd start off a normal gag, "a man walkings into a dentists and..." kinda one, and you'd always finish off with "it's alright, i've got my bike outside..."

it had no rhyme nor reason to it...it fitted as any punchline...

even though it wasnt really funny anyway - it was supposed to get funnier the more you did it...and confuse more and more people as you went along...

explaining jokes never really works does it..anyway, it's alright, i've got my bike outside...

source: http://www.talkmagic.co.uk/sutra219305.php

Killjoy!!!

I laughed for 20 minutes when I first heard it.

[What'sinaname]

Apologies in advance, I know it's borderline racist and stereotyping, but I thought it was funny. Maybe I'm channeling the energy watch dude.



Q How do you know when your house has been burgled by Asians?

A. Your cat has been microwaved, your homework has been done, your playstation has been repaired and they're still trying to reverse out of your driveway.



{runs now}

Hehehe!

LOL, forget about reversing out, they'd have trouble driving out forwards.

[Culprit]

Blonde goes to Heaven
A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'
'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'
'Just three questions' said St Peter.
'Which are?' asked the Blonde.
'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?
The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'
'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'
So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).
The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'
'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'
The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'
St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.
'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'
The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'
'Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'
'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'
St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.
A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'
The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'
'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'
'It's Andy.'
'Andy??'
'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.
This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'
'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'
And the Blonde entered Heaven...?

... you're singing it now, aren't you!??

[Kingswood]

hahhaa

[Dr Pie]

[think positive]

ditto!

[5150]

A man calls 000 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?"

He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

[Didaksgoal]

Bruce says to his Irish mate Paddy, "close ya curtains when you're rooting ya missus, the whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday!"
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday."