What made me laugh today...

Nick's current affairs & general discussion about anything that's not sport.
Voice your opinion on stories of interest to all at Nick's.

Moderator: bbmods

Locked
User avatar
think positive
Posts: 40243
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:33 pm
Location: somewhere
Has liked: 342 times
Been liked: 105 times

Post by think positive »

my daughter got a debit mastercard.

she, being female (obviously) had to try it out straight away.

hops on line, stuffs some things in a shopping bag, and away you go. not.

not again.

and again.

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!!

maybe you got a number wrong honey, its easy to do.

she puts in the number again, then the date and security number,
then she gets to card holder....and writes WESTPAC!!!

if only!!!

(do they teach kids anything useful at school?)
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either!
User avatar
3.14159
Posts: 6418
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:18 am

Post by 3.14159 »

So she's gunna change her name to Westpac?
User avatar
Tannin
Posts: 18748
Joined: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:39 pm
Location: Huon Valley Tasmania

Post by Tannin »

Is she married? Cor - 78 billion!

(We have had our tiffs, I admit, but I'd make a very loving son-in-law, and a good man to have around any time the computer breaks.)
�Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives!
User avatar
think positive
Posts: 40243
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:33 pm
Location: somewhere
Has liked: 342 times
Been liked: 105 times

Post by think positive »

Tannin wrote:Is she married? Cor - 78 billion!

(We have had our tiffs, I admit, but I'd make a very loving son-in-law, and a good man to have around any time the computer breaks.)
I thought you were marrying Hiss's daughter!! :wink:
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either!
User avatar
stui magpie
Posts: 54842
Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
Location: In flagrante delicto
Has liked: 132 times
Been liked: 168 times

Post by stui magpie »

^

No, I was the one looking at Hiss's daughter but i'm tipping yours is much better looking, and if she doesn't know how to use a credit card I think I'm in lurve :wink: :P
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
User avatar
think positive
Posts: 40243
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:33 pm
Location: somewhere
Has liked: 342 times
Been liked: 105 times

Post by think positive »

stui magpie wrote:^

No, I was the one looking at Hiss's daughter but i'm tipping yours is much better looking, and if she doesn't know how to use a credit card I think I'm in lurve :wink: :P
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Still drooling over the graduation pics huh?!

Yep blonde and dumber, that's my girl!
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either!
User avatar
Morrigu
Posts: 6001
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2001 6:01 pm

Post by Morrigu »

Tannin wrote:Is she married? Cor - 78 billion!

(We have had our tiffs, I admit, but I'd make a very loving son-in-law, and a good man to have around any time the computer breaks.)
Damn missed out again :evil:

My hubby is an excellent handy man but not much chop with the puter.

I was seriously thinking of converting to Mormonism to allow me the best of both :P
“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”
User avatar
stui magpie
Posts: 54842
Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
Location: In flagrante delicto
Has liked: 132 times
Been liked: 168 times

Post by stui magpie »

think positive wrote:
stui magpie wrote:^

No, I was the one looking at Hiss's daughter but i'm tipping yours is much better looking, and if she doesn't know how to use a credit card I think I'm in lurve :wink: :P
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Still drooling over the graduation pics huh?!

Yep blonde and dumber, that's my girl!
:lol: :wink:

She may just freak a tad at the idea of having step children older than her, and step grandchildren.

but hey, they could teach her how to party while I stay at home and be an old bugger. :wink:
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
User avatar
Tannin
Posts: 18748
Joined: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:39 pm
Location: Huon Valley Tasmania

Post by Tannin »

^ Three scotches and a quiet snooze on the couch = great night out? That's about my speed. :)
�Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives!
watt price tully
Posts: 20842
Joined: Tue May 15, 2007 1:14 pm

Post by watt price tully »

I know it's 2 years old but this still makes me laugh (conspiracy theories):

BBC News 2010:

Israel has dismissed Egyptian claims that a series of shark attacks in the Red Sea could have been the result of a plot carried out by its foreign intelligence agency, Mossad.

The reports - apparently quoting the South Sinai governor - have been picked up by the Israeli media.

An elderly woman was killed by a shark in the Egyptian resort of Sharm el-Sheikh on Sunday.

Several other swimmers have been mauled in the past week.

Conspiracy theories are always popular in the Middle East, with unlikely suggestions often made that troubles in Arab countries could be caused by Mossad agents.

Rumours had circulated in Egypt that there could be an Israeli connection to this unusual spate of Red Sea shark attacks.

However, it was comments attributed to the South Sinai governor, Mohamed Abdul Fadil Shousha, carried on an official Egyptian news site that drew attention.

"What is being said about the Mossad throwing the deadly shark [in the sea] to hit tourism in Egypt is not out of the question, but it needs time to confirm," he is reported to have said.

The Jerusalem Post picked up on the story - quoting Israeli officials who rejected the notion as "ludicrous".

Israeli foreign ministry spokesman Igal Palmor then told the BBC: "The man must have seen Jaws one time too many, and confuses fact and fiction."

It has also been pointed out that visitors to Israel as well as Egypt might be alarmed by the shark attacks.

Israel has its own holiday resorts on the Red Sea coast, and Sharm el-Sheikh is popular with its citizens.

:lol: :lol:
“I even went as far as becoming a Southern Baptist until I realised they didn’t keep ‘em under long enough” Kinky Friedman
User avatar
Tannin
Posts: 18748
Joined: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:39 pm
Location: Huon Valley Tasmania

Post by Tannin »

^ Sigh. It never fails to astonish me when I realise how stupid people can be. I mean, FFS! Any fool knows that Israel couldn't possibly do that, and because of the danger to their own ciitizens wouldn't if they could. It's the CIA, of course.
�Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives!
User avatar
3.14159
Posts: 6418
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:18 am

Post by 3.14159 »

They were cyborg sharks beamed down from a secret Chinese base in an American H-bomb test crater on the far side of the Moon.


....and the Moon landings were a hoax.
watt price tully
Posts: 20842
Joined: Tue May 15, 2007 1:14 pm

Post by watt price tully »

I was cleaning out my emails & came across this gem (It's one of the best I've ever received - a beauty): (Enjoy)



This is an actual letter: State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ ... File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2010.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely, David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File
No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/17/09 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2010? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
“I even went as far as becoming a Southern Baptist until I realised they didn’t keep ‘em under long enough” Kinky Friedman
User avatar
stui magpie
Posts: 54842
Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
Location: In flagrante delicto
Has liked: 132 times
Been liked: 168 times

Post by stui magpie »

^

Noice. :lol:
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
User avatar
3.14159
Posts: 6418
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:18 am

Post by 3.14159 »

This made me laugh!

Blake Poetry Prize finalists announced
Updated Fri Oct 5, 2012 9:15am AEST

MAP: Australia
Poets who have written about about love, happiness, pain and mortality in Indigenous communities are among the finalists for this year's Blake Poetry Prize.

Seven poets have been picked from more than 400 entries from around the country.

They are Mick Ringiari and David Bunn from Victoria, Graham Kershaw from Western Australia, the ACT's Geoff Page and Christopher Kelen, and David Musgrave and Carmel Summers from New South Wales.

The $5,000 prize, which will be presented in November, encourages Australian poets to write about religion and spirituality.


Mick errr,.."R" lives just down the rd....and I'm blacker than he is.

It's going to be interesting when he flies to Sydney to collect his prize.
Last edited by 3.14159 on Sun Nov 04, 2012 6:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
Locked