What made me laugh today...

[stui magpie]

There's something about Kevin.

[5150]

I saw this post on another website.

Do butterflies get "tramp stamps" of fat, unemployed women on them?

[HAL]

What did it look like to you?

[Tannin]

I just got a spam "looking for a life partner" email from Russia which was more than 800 words long. I mean, we are talking long - 800 words is close to two typed A4 pages. The thing is, it was in ONE paragraph!

FMD, just for fun I read it all the way through to the end - it was a pretty amazing collection of cliches one after another - and it was seriously difficult to do that without even one single paragraph break to rest the eye on.

Do I want to make the one-paragraph woman my life partner?

Umm ... no.

[stui magpie]

^

But did she look hot?

[5150]

I just got a spam "looking for a life partner" email from Russia which was more than 800 words long. I mean, we are talking long - 800 words is close to two typed A4 pages. The thing is, it was in ONE paragraph!

FMD, just for fun I read it all the way through to the end - it was a pretty amazing collection of cliches one after another - and it was seriously difficult to do that without even one single paragraph break to rest the eye on.

Do I want to make the one-paragraph woman my life partner?

Umm ... no.

What were her apostrophes like?

[luvdids]

I just got a spam "looking for a life partner" email from Russia which was more than 800 words long. I mean, we are talking long - 800 words is close to two typed A4 pages. The thing is, it was in ONE paragraph!

FMD, just for fun I read it all the way through to the end - it was a pretty amazing collection of cliches one after another - and it was seriously difficult to do that without even one single paragraph break to rest the eye on.

Do I want to make the one-paragraph woman my life partner?

Umm ... no.

What were her apostrophes like?

lol.

Good question, apparently pest's are ok, but put an apostrophe in the wrong place, and look out!!

[Tannin]

A sample for your delectation:

I want to be able to say you are the best thing that ever happened to me ! If you capture my heart you will have a loyal devoted partner forever. It is the person in ones life that makes the journey and is not what one has but the person . BEST CATCH IS WORTH THE WAIT!!!! Want a long tern relationship ,not marriage. Just someone to share and be with. Enjoy all the aspects and closeness of a relationship. I would like someone to travel with when possible, honest caring and loyalMust look pass the surface to the person, Don't waste my time and I won't waste yoursI have a good life, but with the right person could be better.I have worked hard and would like to do more playing now.Just high on life Iam honest and mature,fun loving do not play head games. I am rather eclectic. I tell it like it is. I am also on fb. Rather independent use to doing and going by myself but capable of a relationship, lived alone 10 years and have enjoyed my life style of doing what I want.Can relocate should I choose too.WHILE YOU ARE DREAMING OF THE FUTURE OR REGRETTING THE PAST, THE PRESENT, WHICH IS ALL YOU HAVE, SLIPS FROM YOU AND IS GONE.LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT ONE, LAST ONE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. I'm ready for relationship which is a two way street.Should it lead to more will cross that bridge when it arrives. I believe working together makes it easier for both. Down to earth,know no one is perfect, I'm outgoing, would like someone to enjoy life with, I need honesty,loyalty, hopefully we can take care of each other.I like having friends, but do know we should be most important to each otherA true friend or partner is someone who knows everything about you and loves you anyway. It is essential to get to know a person and this takes time. It is also important to know how to treat the other. Honesty and communication are the most important.TRUST HAS TO BE EARNED I have a good sense of humor, just figured out why people like these sites, can turn them on and off when you want!!!!!!!!!!ARNING I CAN BE SOMEWHAT OF A JOKESTER javascrapt:smilie('')I enjoy meeting people, quiet times with someone special, traveling to new places (planning a trip to 15 states I haven't been to yet). I enjoy various music,parties dancing (did ballroom dancing), camping, gourmet cooking, love new foods -might try one out on you if you're lucky. Other enjoyments are gardening,love flea markets, remodeling houses (have redone 6 houses), going to concerts are fun for me, and playing piano. I attend church, as it helps keep me sane. I still make mistakes even at my age, but my faith and family are top priorities.I usually watch Charles Stanley on tv as he applies Biblical principles to everyday life.I've been divorced for 10 years, and I have 4 grown children(ages 23 to 35) three grandchildren in various locations. I DECIDED TO WAIT UNTIL MY CHILDREN WERE GROWN TO LOOK FOR A PARTNER. I think these sites should have a place to list the negative aspects of each one of us, as we all have a negative or bad side. It would save a lot of time. LOL. As for my career situation, I retired early due to automobile accident. Have had own, business LIVE WELL, LOVE MUCH ,LAUGH OFTEN.I grow most of herb and spices I use, make most of my arrangements .Have refinished furniture.Did a little of all, like to paint and redo items. Also: Don't think if I don't email you back that I'm ignoring you, just there is only so much time for the computer.Lastly, please no hangs ups from the past, as I'm not the person in your past and we all are different. Make the most of each day and those that are important to us. Like to have fun!!!!!!!!!!! If we hit it off, there is the possibility of relocation, . I am honest to a fault, I can be Naughty and have a "adventourous side" since I once drove a race car, like sports, and playing cards.WHILE YOU ARE DREAMING OF THE FUTURE OR REGRETTING THE PAST, THE PRESENT WHICH IS ALL YOU HAVE SLIPS FROM YOU AND IS GONE.""Insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting a different result."----///-\\\----Put This---|||---|||---On Your---|||---|||---Profile if---|||---|||---You Know----\\\- ///----Someone-----\\///-----Who Died------///\-----Of-----///\\\----Cancer MOTHER 1982 BOYFRIEND 2004Favorite songs: Bon Jovi -Its my life, LOVE ABOUT ANY 70's Music . Like the old classics from the 50 , show tunes, Andrea Bocelli, Music is usually on at my house! If you don't know me by now: When I Fall in Love, I"ll be there, Rod Stewart Tonight's the night, This old heart of mine, You've got to stand for something, Tell it like it is music by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Gospel music wrswg appqrfb iatdjdn ocvtj nwvqyjw aslzltpgd

If she talks the way she emails, I'm going to need earplugs and vast amounts of scotch.

[Tannin]

Good question, apparently pest's are ok, but put an apostrophe in the wrong place, and look out!!

Correct!

Well, almost correct.

Well, a bit correct.

OK, mostly wrong.

Possums are not pests, let alone "pest's" with a spurious apostrophe.

Secondly, possums do their thing pretty well on the whole, where illiterate people trying to write are doing things badly. Doing things badly is never nice to watch. Except sometimes, when it prompts laughter - see my previous post for an example.

[5150]

It looks like some of Piesnchess best work. Although I never pictured him as a Bon Jovi Fan.

[Tannin]

It looks like some of Piesnchess best work. Although I never pictured him as a Bon Jovi Fan.

^

[David]

Catherine Deveny's rant about restaurant wankery. So true.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... re-cheaper

We're onto you lot now. A tasting plate is just code for "stuff we are about to throw out". Smashed avocado, crushed potato, and bruised garlic. Why don't you just admit the green grocer dropped the box on the way in?

Oven baked, pan fried, garden fresh, hand picked? As opposed to what? Guitar baked, filing cabinet fried, pants fresh and arse picked? Twice cooked? Doesn't that just mean reheated in the microwave? So it's a deconstructed apple crumble. Looks like you just couldn't be stuffed putting it together and are veiling apathy with "an intimate interaction with the produce".

We know rustic just means put in an old pot on a chopping board. And what's with the chopping boards? WE GET IT. They arrived just after the giant pepper grinders left.

We're not playing any more and you've only got yourself to blame. Stuff kale. Stuff aioli. Stuff coulis. And particularly, stuff activated almonds.

We're not coming to your restaurant and paying reassuringly expensive prices to convince ourselves we've had a good time. We want stew in the bistro for tea. And a beer. For $20. And make it snappy.

[stui magpie]

^

Hah, and wankery it is. I took the (then) wife to Stephanies in Hawthorn in the late 80's for a special occasion. Cost was over $200 back then.

We went through macas drive though on the way home cos 3/4 empty plates full of fancy sounding stuff presented beautifully doesn't fill you up.

Mind you, it's not too hard these days to get a decent feed at a reasonable price going out, lots of pub bistros are really good and there's plenty of places that do good tucker (with an element of wankery thrown in no doubt) that don't require you to draw down on the home loan to pay.

[HAL]

Do you take the then wife to Stephanies in Hawthorn in the 80's for a special occasion often? Was the trip worth it?

[Tannin]

^ Given that she is now the ex-wife, HAL, one doubts it.