Jokes Jokes and More Jokes
Moderator: bbmods
-
Bruce Gonsalves
- Posts: 847
- Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:17 pm
- Has liked: 1 time
- Been liked: 7 times
-
stui magpie
- Posts: 54830
- Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
- Location: In flagrante delicto
- Has liked: 126 times
- Been liked: 161 times
This one's for the people who run their own small business.
The Australian Taxation Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
ATO AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
ATO AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?
The Australian Taxation Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
ATO AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
ATO AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
-
stui magpie
- Posts: 54830
- Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
- Location: In flagrante delicto
- Has liked: 126 times
- Been liked: 161 times
two youngish women met at the Pearly Gates.
The first one said to the other "so, how did you die?"
the second one said, "I froze to death. How about you?"
The first one replied, "Well, I thought my Husband was cheating on me, so I came home early one day to catch him. My Husband was naked in bed and the other womans clothes were on the floor, but she was gone. So I started searching the house, running around looking everywhere like a mad woman, I got so worked up that I had a heart attack and died"
The second woman said. "What pity. If only you'd have looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive."
The first one said to the other "so, how did you die?"
the second one said, "I froze to death. How about you?"
The first one replied, "Well, I thought my Husband was cheating on me, so I came home early one day to catch him. My Husband was naked in bed and the other womans clothes were on the floor, but she was gone. So I started searching the house, running around looking everywhere like a mad woman, I got so worked up that I had a heart attack and died"
The second woman said. "What pity. If only you'd have looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive."
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
-
Culprit
- Posts: 17236
- Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2003 8:01 pm
- Location: Port Melbourne
- Has liked: 57 times
- Been liked: 68 times
A guy walks into a bookstore and asks the lady at the counter, “Do you have that book about men with small penis”. Lady says hold on I will check. After a minute she comes back with, “I don’t know if it’s in yet”. Guy replies, “Yes that’s the one”.
Last edited by Culprit on Tue Aug 22, 2023 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
stui magpie
- Posts: 54830
- Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
- Location: In flagrante delicto
- Has liked: 126 times
- Been liked: 161 times
-
pietillidie
- Posts: 16634
- Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:41 pm
- Has liked: 14 times
- Been liked: 28 times
In the end the rain comes down, washes clean the streets of a blue sky town.
Help Nick's: http://www.magpies.net/nick/bb/fundraising.htm
Help Nick's: http://www.magpies.net/nick/bb/fundraising.htm
-
stui magpie
- Posts: 54830
- Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
- Location: In flagrante delicto
- Has liked: 126 times
- Been liked: 161 times
-
pietillidie
- Posts: 16634
- Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:41 pm
- Has liked: 14 times
- Been liked: 28 times
Yeah, they're pretty bad. I think one liners are famed for that after the fact, though. It's the silly mood or something at the time.
But I've been glutentag-ing all day in a German accent, so it was worth it just for that one!
But I've been glutentag-ing all day in a German accent, so it was worth it just for that one!
In the end the rain comes down, washes clean the streets of a blue sky town.
Help Nick's: http://www.magpies.net/nick/bb/fundraising.htm
Help Nick's: http://www.magpies.net/nick/bb/fundraising.htm
-
lazzadesilva
- Posts: 2262
- Joined: Tue Feb 04, 2003 8:01 pm
- Has liked: 2 times
- Been liked: 93 times
-
stui magpie
- Posts: 54830
- Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 10:10 am
- Location: In flagrante delicto
- Has liked: 126 times
- Been liked: 161 times
Billy's groaner
I had to take my dog to the Vet after it swallowed a bunch of coins. I left him there overnight and rang the vet the next day to ask how things were going.
"Still no change" said the vet.
I had to take my dog to the Vet after it swallowed a bunch of coins. I left him there overnight and rang the vet the next day to ask how things were going.
"Still no change" said the vet.
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
-
David
- Posts: 50660
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2003 4:04 pm
- Location: the edge of the deep green sea
- Has liked: 15 times
- Been liked: 76 times
Saw this on Facebook:
Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.
The first economist says to the other "Ill pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.
They continue walking until they come across a second pile of shit. The second economist turns to the first and says "l pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The first economist takes the $100 and eats a pile of shit.
Walking a little more, the first economist looks at the second and says, "You know, I gave you $100 to eat shit, then you gave me back the same $100 to eat shit. can't help but feel like we both just ate shit for nothing." "That's not true", responded the second economist. "We increased the GDP by $200!"
Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.
The first economist says to the other "Ill pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.
They continue walking until they come across a second pile of shit. The second economist turns to the first and says "l pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The first economist takes the $100 and eats a pile of shit.
Walking a little more, the first economist looks at the second and says, "You know, I gave you $100 to eat shit, then you gave me back the same $100 to eat shit. can't help but feel like we both just ate shit for nothing." "That's not true", responded the second economist. "We increased the GDP by $200!"
"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange
-
think positive
- Posts: 40237
- Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:33 pm
- Location: somewhere
- Has liked: 339 times
- Been liked: 103 times