Re: Carlton - Results & Standings Adjusted for Purity Contro

[Sly]

I am sick of Optus Oval. Why's Carlton allowed to persist with this pissy little ground in the modern era when all other (Victorian) suburban grounds have been eradicated?
I used to make the argument for Victoria Park/Jock McHale Stadium (or the Jocklands, as Hotrod christened them a while ago) that at least we could still play the total crap Teams there. But Carlton's allowed to play just about anybody at Optus. Last year they even played us there although we would've drawn at least 60 thousand to the MCG. This year Carlton got to play Hawthorn at Optus when it would've drawn 35 thousand at the MCG or the Colonic.

When we were still using Victoria Park, as soon as we had an opposition who'd strung a few wins together our games were relocated! But Carlton's allowed to persist with Optus!

And considering some of their wins there, how much of an advantage has it been to their 2001 Campaign?

So I contacted my friends at SETI-Control at NASA. Putting aside their attempts to contact and communicate with Troy Luff, they agreed to use their NASA Computers to simulate how those matches Carlton had at Optus would've went had they been played elsewhere. So here they are:

* Round #5 (as it was at Optus):
Carlton 17.23 (125)
St. Kilda 14.8 (92)

On the NASA Computers we simulated that this match occurred at the MCG, instead of this pissy, crappy, postage-stamp Optus Oval. Here's how it went:

- Round #5 (simulated at the MCG):
Carlton: 4.4 7.11 14.14 15.20 (110)
St. Kilda 4.3 6.5 8.6 20.6 (126)

See? See!? See the difference already? Due to the shock-result, we simulated St. Kilda's Season subsequently and following the catalyst of this Match, they go UNDEFEAFTED - and still sack Malcolm Blight following Round 15.

* Round #8 (as it was at Optus):
Carlton: 21.16 (142)
Brisbane Lions: 9.14 (68)

We simulated this match to occur at the Colonic, where Brisbane actually have a pretty decent record.

- Round #8 (simulated at the Colonic):
Carlton: 12.2 12.3 12.4 12.5 (77)
Brisbane Lions: 0.1 12.1 24.2 30.8 (188)

Look at how the shape of Carlton's Season is already changing once we move them from their advantage at Optus! This match thus became and remains the biggest comeback of any Team, as Brisbane were down by 73 points - so their record would've stood as Essendon only came back from 69 points down. Also, playing on the Colonic the simulation came up with the scenario that Anthony Koutoufides did the posterior cruciate of his right knee and the anterior cruicate of his left knee while going for a mark early in the Second Quarter.

While he was being stretchered off, the Paramedics were so fixated with the match that they dropped him down the stairs. When they finally got him into the ambulance, the driver was so rapt listening to another match, he crashed into a telephone pole. At any rate, the simulation extrapolated that Kouta would miss the remainder of 2001, 2002, half of 2003 and would return midway for Round # 12 while 120 pounds overweight and with a prosthetic leg.

* Round #10 (as it was at Optus):
Carlton: 21.23 (149)
West Coast: 3.12 (30)

Again, we moved this match to the Colonic for the simulation.

- Round #10 (simulated at the Colonic):
Carlton: 4.1 4.4 10.5 15.10 (100)
West Coast: 4.8 10.14 18.24 20.32 (152)

This match was described as - despite the high scoring - as one of the worst ever. As a result, Wayne Brittan was sacked by John Elliott and Alex Jesulenko was reinstated.

* Round #13 (as it was at Optus):
Carlton: 23.15 (153)
Bulldogs: 13.14 (92)

We moved to this to the MCG and scheduled it as a Mockbuster.

- Round 13 (simulated at the MCG):
Carlton: 0.1 0.2 0.3 0.7 (7)
Bulldogs: 10.4 20.10 31.11 42.15 (267)

The simulation predicated that as Carlton had lost the previous two games with Jesulenko as Coach by record margins, he thus nominated himself to the Rookie List and promoted himself for this game.

Chasing the ball in the Forward-pocket, he then had a heart attack and died. Tony Liberatore was charged with unduly rough play and got one week.

Otherwise, it was simulated that this was one of the best attacking matches ever. But with Jezza dead, Carlton obviously needed a new coach, so John Elliott went to "Talking Footy."

Caroline Wilson declined to take the job, but Robert Walls agreed.

* Round 16 (as it was at Optus):
Carlton: 19.17 (131)
Fremantle: 8.8 (56)

We moved this game to the Colonic.

- Round 16 (simulated at the Colonic):
Carlton: 5.6 11.4 17.10 20.13 (133)
Fremantle: 2.3 5.5 11.11 19.20 (134)

Kouta attempted an early and unsuccessful comeback. Robert Walls was sacked at Half-time and David Parkin was instated. Parkin was subsequently sacked at Three Quarter-time and Caroline Wilson relented and finally took on the job. John Elliott choked on a cigar and his head spontaneously combusted when Peter Bell won the match for Fremantle with a kick after Siren from CHB. The ball went about 20 meters in the air and bounced and weaved and rolled the rest of the way, unimpeded, for a goal.

So using the NASA Computers I think we've illustrated what an advantage Optus Oval is for Carlton. Worse, the ground's a real crutch - it can't help them when the real stuff of the Finals come around.

Anyway, Carlton's currently sitting on 10 wins. Using this model, though, Carlton would be on 5 wins and nowhere near Finals.

So I say get rid of Optus and let's see how Carlton really stands in the grand scheme of things!




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The Collingwood Rant.
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[Rinnovator]

That's god damn hilarious!!!!(if only it were true)

[Clemo]

Sly,

you are a pissa

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Collingwood Forever !
clemo@magpies.net
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[Joel]

hehe!! LOL!!

JDF

[psychosupporter]

heheh...
good stuff!

The year of the magpie...