Stuff my mum says

[stui magpie]

I was threatening to make this thread a while back, after today I thought might as well do it. I'll update this on an ad hoc basis, but others feel free to throw in your own stories as well.

Mum has to be one of the most unobservant people ever and is terrible at explaining things, she is also possessed of some form of logical thinking I've never encountered before.

Some examples.

This morning she was doing some gardening. She likes plating small annuals (I think they're a waste of time) so I gave her a section of the front garden bed and told her to knock herself out. Hey, it makes her happy. So anyway, she comes to me and points to the bench seat I have on the front porch that has storage space inside and asks if I've got any snail pellets in there as something had been eating her plants.

I say yes, lift the lid and pass them to her. "Oh", she said " I didn't look in there".


FFS, Look. Anyway,Let that one go.

Bit later, I need to get the compliance plate date off her car as I'm taking her to Vic roads tomorrow to transfer the rego to Victoria. Get the keys, go out to the car.....No bonnet catch to be seen.

So I go in and ask her how you open the bonnet, her response is "you have to put the key in and turn it anti clockwise.

OK, put the key in the ignition and try to turn, and she says "No, you have to put it in the motor"

WTF, How can I put the key in the motor when I can't open the bonnet to get to it.

No, she says, in here. She goes to the front of the car and turns the Ford badge on the bonnet to reveal a keyhole.

That's not the motor mum


The kitchen bins are a great example of her logic. I have two small kitchen bins, one for recycling and one for rubbish. Each have a plastic container and you put a bin liner bag in there.

For some reason that escapes me, mum short sheets the bins by putting supermarket shopping bags in on top of the actual bin bag, reducing the bin capacity by about 70% and meaning it needs to be emptied 3 times as often. There's a very logical reason, I'm sure, it just escapes me completely.

[Morrigu]

Reminds me of the tale of the 2 car keys one for the doors and one for the ignition that for some logical reason that I have yet to ascertain cannot be carried on the same key ring - the reason she has to have 2 keys is a whole other story

[partypie]

My mum always gave tips eg "if you ever want to get rid of a man turn on the vacuum cleaner"

[Tannin]

I'm reminded of my aunt, Stui. Many years ago, my uncle asked her to top up the water in the car - a brand new Fairlane which was the light of his life. This would have been maybe 1967, 1971, something like that.

"Where do I put it?" she called out to him as he was loading up the luggage into the boot.

"Well, where do you think?"

"OK, I think I can see it now. How much do I put in?"

"Just fill it up to the top."

Memo: when adding water to your car, put it in the radiator. Do not pour it into the rocker cover. I forget how much the repair cost, but it was serious money.

[Tannin]

She wants to save you money and avoid wasting new plastic bags, I reckon. You have two choices: (a) persuade her. (b) Buy some smaller bins. Which do you think will be easier?

[think positive]

Try using two bin liners, she might stop adding the shopping bag.

As for those stupid Ford bonnets, ugh, juniors old dad had that! Awful bloody thing. Saying you put the key in the motor is pretty close! I can imaging my kids saying that! I can imagine a few guys I know saying it too!

Can't add any things my mum said, but gees my daughters say some doozies.

Eldest yesterday "did you have those big red chewies that taste like cinimon when you were young?" "No honey, back in the cave we chewed on grass and reeds"

A couple of years back watching the walking dead "this show is really educational" hmmm I say, how is that? "If we ever meet any real zombies we will know how to kill them". (This kid just got herself a job overseeing designing new web pages for the NAB bank! Move ya money!)

[stui magpie]

She wants to save you money and avoid wasting new plastic bags, I reckon. You have two choices: (a) persuade her. (b) Buy some smaller bins. Which do you think will be easier?

I'll take (c) Ignore it and let her do what works for her.

If I want to put stuff in the bin and the little supermarket bag is full. I just unpick it so it drops into the bigger bin bag.

[stui magpie]

Try using two bin liners, she might stop adding the shopping bag.

As for those stupid Ford bonnets, ugh, juniors old dad had that! Awful bloody thing. Saying you put the key in the motor is pretty close! I can imaging my kids saying that! I can imagine a few guys I know saying it too!

Can't add any things my mum said, but gees my daughters say some doozies.

Eldest yesterday "did you have those big red chewies that taste like cinimon when you were young?" "No honey, back in the cave we chewed on grass and reeds"

A couple of years back watching the walking dead "this show is really educational" hmmm I say, how is that? "If we ever meet any real zombies we will know how to kill them". (This kid just got herself a job overseeing designing new web pages for the NAB bank! Move ya money!)

She'll meet plenty of zombies working for NAB IT, she'll also learn a lot about what not to do.

[think positive]

Good point!

[luvdids]

My Mum has her own language, which you need to learn so you know what she's talking about..

For example "I'm going to Four Square" - she's going to 7/11.
"I'm going to Magnet" - she's going to Bunnings
"I want to see that chocolate biscuit movie" - wanted to see "like water for chocolate'.

The list goes on & on.

Also, the other day she was complaining that her iPhone wasn't beeping when she got a text message. I asked if she turned it off & back on? "Yes" she said, "see?!" and proceeded to click the button on the side that locks the screen... "Off!" No Mum, that's not off, so I turned it off & back on.. "ahhhh, how did you do that?". She's had this phone for a good couple of years & had no clue how to turn it off - well, she thought she WAS turning it off - many times a day!

[Skids]

One xmas, Dad, brother & myself were drinking one of those Heineken kegs, they'd just come on to the market.
We polished it off pretty quick.
Mum goes "They're supposed to last 30 days after opening"

[HAL]

One what?

[stui magpie]

Reminds me of the tale of the 2 car keys one for the doors and one for the ignition that for some logical reason that I have yet to ascertain cannot be carried on the same key ring - the reason she has to have 2 keys is a whole other story

I experienced a version of the 2 key rings the other day.

I'd gone out in mums car on the weekend, giving it a run to keep the battery charged.

Got home and the front door was closed so I went looking on her key ring for the house key I gave her. There wasn't one. WTF?

So ring the doorbell a few times and sit and wait for the sound to register and her to get up and walk to the front door at a pace that snails would jeer at as too slow. Once she opened the door I asked where her house key was.

Apparently the house key is in her little handbag I gave her to house her mobile phone (Got her a mobile when she was living alone with big keys and a panic button in case she fell over). If she wants to go for a walk in the park she figures she can just take the bag with the house key and mobile and doesn't need to put the whole key ring in there.

There's 3 keys on her keyring. It's not exactly bulky.

[Morrigu]

^ Yep!

I got a call from mum last week - "where are you?"

"at work mum why?"

"I just went up to the library and I've locked myself out can you bring your keys and let me in?" (I have house keys just in case something goes pear shaped)

"Sure"

After letting her in - mum why don't you put the house keys on the key ring with the 2 car keys - why don't you put them all together?

"Because if I lost them I wouldn't have any keys"

umm ok

[stui magpie]

^

yep, there's a logic at work. I just can't figure it out either.