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stui magpie 
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
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^
Could not agree more.
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Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Wokko 
Come and take it.
Joined: 04 Oct 2005
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| I had a break up with my partner a few years back and we avoided the family court and the CSA like the plague, in a way I'm lucky because I'm the primary care giver and my partner has a lot of issues so the courts would probably favour me anyway but if we were on an even footing I'd be terrified of dealing with them. |
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think positive 
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere
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All about the money, it's a shame the poor kids welfare seems to come in second
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You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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HAL
Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.
Joined: 17 Mar 2003
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| I think there are a few exceptions. |
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Wokko
Come and take it.
Joined: 04 Oct 2005
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| think positive wrote: | | All about the money, it's a shame the poor kids welfare seems to come in second |
The kids welfare seems to be the last thing on the court's mind most of the time. They're stuck in some alternate universe where fathers work full time and are unable to take care of kids and mothers are incapable of working and are always the best care givers. Personally I didn't give a fat rats clacker about the money, I was concerned that my daughter was going to be given full time to someone incapable of looking after her. Like I said, counted my blessings that I could avoid all that. |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
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| think positive wrote: | | All about the money, it's a shame the poor kids welfare seems to come in second |
Usually comes in second to the person who cares more about the money
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Dangles
Balmey Army
Joined: 14 May 2015
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| I remember when I broke up with my ex in 2012. She thought I was just going to leave with what I could carry and see my sons every second weeend, so she could kick back on Centrelink payments, child support and top up with a bit of cash in hand work. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't be relegated to only seeing my boys every second weekend and then told her to take out a mortgage extension for $15,000, so I could set up a new place for the boys and I. When she baulked at that I got a lawyer and it ended up costing her a lot more than that. I ended up with enough to put a deposit on a house, I have my boys three nights a week every week and I don't pay her a cracker in child support, which is exactly how I wanted it. A clean break. I was prepared to be fair and reasonable and keep the lawyers out of it but when she tried to throw me under the bus the gloves were off. |
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Skids 
Quitting drinking will be one of the best choices you make in your life.
Joined: 11 Sep 2007
Location: Joined 3/6/02 . Member #175
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Good stuff Dangles. I was never going to cop the shit my ex wanted me to.
She made my access visits as hard as she could and when the daughter turned 9 put her in a boarding school 8km from her house. She couldn't handle her but didn't want me to have her.
Poor kid got bullied so bad and when I fronted the school they didn't want to know about it (can't upset the foriegn pricesses family). I went right off at the principal. They hated the dirty plumbers van in the carpark next to the mercs and beemas. And the plumber hated the toffee nosed arse wipes.
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Don't count the days, make the days count. |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne
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The biggest issue is the Family Court is an adversary system. It's really not about the kids it's about the parents and the lawyers to have a winner and a loser. Then we have a minority of whom are mostly men who feel they have nothing and it's murder suicide and no one ever sees it coming.
I went through the rubbish people put up when they are angry at each other. it's not pleasant and for any guys going through this crap. Give it time, the kids grow, mature and wake up and realise what is the truth. Don't bag your ex, make your kids respect their mum despite all the crap she gives you. It took 10 years for my kids to wake up and when my eldest daughter got married she told her Mum that she could not speak at the wedding only Dad can. |
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David
to wish impossible things
Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: the edge of the deep green sea
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I feel like lawyers can really play on people's greed in such circumstances: "look at everything you could be getting right now, and you deserve it!". And it's the lawyers themselves who profit the most.
Over the course of my first relationship, my girlfriend's mother split up with her de facto. The situation went from an initially amicable arrangement to legal letters within a couple of weeks, and once the lawyers got involved on the one side they had to be involved on the other side, etc. Ended up with massive amounts of hatred, resentment and vindictiveness on both sides that would have probably been completely avoided if they'd just agreed to a deal at the beginning and not sought to get everything they thought they were entitled to. It was an ugly thing to witness.
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"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange |
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watt price tully 
Joined: 15 May 2007
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| David wrote: | | I feel like lawyers can really play on people's greed ..... |
Really? I'm shocked & speechless
Who'd a thunk, lawyers & greed.
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“I even went as far as becoming a Southern Baptist until I realised they didn’t keep ‘em under long enough” Kinky Friedman |
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Wokko
Come and take it.
Joined: 04 Oct 2005
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| David wrote: | I feel like lawyers can really play on people's greed in such circumstances: "look at everything you could be getting right now, and you deserve it!". And it's the lawyers themselves who profit the most.
Over the course of my first relationship, my girlfriend's mother split up with her de facto. The situation went from an initially amicable arrangement to legal letters within a couple of weeks, and once the lawyers got involved on the one side they had to be involved on the other side, etc. Ended up with massive amounts of hatred, resentment and vindictiveness on both sides that would have probably been completely avoided if they'd just agreed to a deal at the beginning and not sought to get everything they thought they were entitled to. It was an ugly thing to witness. |
Greed is a good thing when it accompanies drive and ambition, it's a horrible, disgusting spectacle when coupled with a "Give me that" attitude. I know if I split with my partner now I'd be able to lawyer up and go for half a house, but it was my partner's inheritance and I don't feel I'm 'entitled' to it just because we're in a relationship. I don't know that too many people of either sex would be able to let that kind of thing go. I think the value of a smooth transition for children and amicable parents (if friendly is off the cards) is worth far more than money, and lawyers end up pocketing far too much anyway. That's money that one day should go to your kids, not a trip to Bermuda or hookers and cocaine for a lawyer (kept the descriptives for lawyer to a minimum because we have one in residence who doesn't seem to deserve it like most I've known)  |
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Skids
Quitting drinking will be one of the best choices you make in your life.
Joined: 11 Sep 2007
Location: Joined 3/6/02 . Member #175
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| Culprit wrote: | The biggest issue is the Family Court is an adversary system. It's really not about the kids it's about the parents and the lawyers to have a winner and a loser. Then we have a minority of whom are mostly men who feel they have nothing and it's murder suicide and no one ever sees it coming.
I went through the rubbish people put up when they are angry at each other. it's not pleasant and for any guys going through this crap. Give it time, the kids grow, mature and wake up and realise what is the truth. Don't bag your ex, make your kids respect their mum despite all the crap she gives you. It took 10 years for my kids to wake up and when my eldest daughter got married she told her Mum that she could not speak at the wedding only Dad can. |
Exactly right Culprit. My relationship with my daughter (now 25) is great. I went through over a decade of gut wrenching stuff. Had my access cut off for 6 months when she was little for no reason other than my ex being a cnut. I never bagged her Mum in front of her, she worked out for herself who was what.
The CSA were a disgrace. My grandparents passed away when Tamara was about 7 and left me a little bit if money. I put a pool in and organised a holiday for, my wife, our daughter, Tamara and myself. She reported me to the CSA saying I must be earning more than I'm declaring ciz I've put a pool in and could afford an interstate holiday. I had to attend an interview in front of a panel of 4 people to justify my expenditure. After that the mole wouldn't let Tamara come on the holiday 
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Don't count the days, make the days count. |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
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| Dangles wrote: | | I remember when I broke up with my ex in 2012. She thought I was just going to leave with what I could carry and see my sons every second weeend, so she could kick back on Centrelink payments, child support and top up with a bit of cash in hand work. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't be relegated to only seeing my boys every second weekend and then told her to take out a mortgage extension for $15,000, so I could set up a new place for the boys and I. When she baulked at that I got a lawyer and it ended up costing her a lot more than that. I ended up with enough to put a deposit on a house, I have my boys three nights a week every week and I don't pay her a cracker in child support, which is exactly how I wanted it. A clean break. I was prepared to be fair and reasonable and keep the lawyers out of it but when she tried to throw me under the bus the gloves were off. |
Mine tried something similar at first. When she announced she wanted out, I moved out of the house and stayed at a mates place for a couple of weeks to give her space, when that didn't work and she assumed I was moving out I said, NO, I'm staying right here if you want out, you move.
So she stayed for a few months then found a flat. I gave her most of the furniture from the house to furnish it and let the kids move in with her. I didn't pay her maintenance up front as I knew she was shit with money and I wanted the kids to get fed so I'd go over twice a week and do the grocery shopping and give her extra cash when I could, but even then she managed to get 2 months behind in the rent (mostly thanks to the pokies) which I had to borrow to pay for her. After a bit she got pregnant to a bloke who I knew was known to police (Lets just say that these days his past would have had him on a register) and I did the biggest dummy spit of all time and took the kids back. Told her to get a lawyer if she didn't like it and be prepared for everything to go on the record. Then I had to figure out how to keep my job and look after the kids, which took some doing.
I didn't do what Culprit said and always speak nicely of her in front of the kids, which meant of course that they thought I was a hard arse and unfair to her. Took a long time, including some time living with her when they were in their teens, but they grew up and saw that what I'd said wasn't just venting.
Now neither of them talk to her at all, she hasn't met her grandson yet and isn't going to anytime soon. I look at where my life is now and where hers is and the best thing that ever happened to me was her leaving even though I had to work bloody hard to keep everything afloat.
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne
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Stui, It's amazing what comes around. At my daughters wedding, me ex mother in law commented in front of my ex and I wa stunned, she said my current Mrs is pretty hot and I've done well and looking good. When we talked about work and such she said you have really done well. I guess no one is holding you back these days. 
Great lady who passed away last year. She always blamed my ex for me walking away. |
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