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David 
to wish impossible things
Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: the edge of the deep green sea
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 good one.
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"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange |
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Tannin 
Can't remember
Joined: 06 Aug 2006
Location: Huon Valley Tasmania
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It wasn't you, was it? Back in your Bible-bashing 50-year-old teenage girl days?
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�Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives! |
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stui magpie 
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
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| Tannin wrote: | | stui magpie wrote: | Nah, I don't do break dancing but it's a great way to answer the door to cold callers.  |
I did that once. Some fool knocked on my door at some ungodly hour of a warm Sunday morning. I was naked. This would have been in the late 1970s. There were two possibilities:
(a) It was someone I knew, in which case they wouldn't care. (This was the 1970s, remember.)
(b) It was someone I didn't know, in which case I didn't care. (Fnuck 'em! If they want to bang on my door at that hour of a Sunday morning, it's their problem.)
It turned out to be a very conservatively dressed lady of indeterminate age (50ish maybe?) holding some beads and a Bible. I had incautiously flung the door wide open, but I wasn't expecting that! Now I'm a bit of a prick at the best of times, but I'd have at least had the decency to wrap a towel around me or something if I'd known it was this poor old ultra-conservative biddy. But too late.
Oh shit! I thought. I really shouldn't have done that to this poor woman, who after all at least means well.
But she was awesome. Did not even blink! Just went straight into the "Hello, have you heard the word of the Lord" routine as if this was her fifth important call of the day and she intended to do another eight before lunch. Not by word or deed did she so much as hint that this wasn't a perfectly normal doorstep conversation in every way, and could she direct my attention to page three of the pamphlet where the was an article she was sure would interest me?
Normally, in those days, I just used to close the door on religious callers, close it in their smarmy faces. But I was so impressed by this gal's display of cool - she fair dinkum did not turn a bloody hair - that I couldn't bring myself to shut the door on her. I remember thinking that if she had the balls to just carry on without even blinking then the least I could do in tribute to her calm was hear her out. So I stood there on the doorstep stark bollock naked for what seemed like almost an hour (but was probably not much more than five minutes) making vague, polite answers to her various religious topics, finally accepting a handful of brochures and assuring her I would read them with all appropriate interest before she went on her way. |
Dude, if you're going to write a Penthouse Forum letter you need to get the ending right. 
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Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Tannin
Can't remember
Joined: 06 Aug 2006
Location: Huon Valley Tasmania
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Is Penthouse Forum still a thing?
_________________
�Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives! |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
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Apparently it is.
http://www.penthouseforum.com/
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Tannin
Can't remember
Joined: 06 Aug 2006
Location: Huon Valley Tasmania
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Oh. Sorry. In that case, correct that last paragraph to read as follows:
| Tannin wrote: | | So I stood there on the doorstep stark bollock naked for what seemed like almost an hour (but was probably not much more than three seconds) goggling at her stupendous cleavage until, overcome by the sight of my giant industrial size cucumber she asked if I was going to invite her in for some mind-bogglingly athletic horizontal personal tuition. Hurriedly shedding assorted items of clothing on the carpet, she accompanied me to the penthouse where I proudly showed her my enormous black satin-covered trampoline. Barely giving her time to take in the pulsing disco spotlights, mirrored ceiling, and highly erotic wall hangings stolen from an ancient Indian temple, I proposed that we have some gloriously uninhibited sex, to which she replied "Not today honey, I'm actually David's mother and space aliens don't do sex. Not like humans. On the planet Wayfaroutcool where I come from, we mate in the shower by depositing a curly intimate hair in the plughole". |
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�Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives! |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
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^
Paid. 
But anyway, after you £$%$ed her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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David
to wish impossible things
Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: the edge of the deep green sea
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| Tannin wrote: | | It wasn't you, was it? Back in your Bible-bashing 50-year-old teenage girl days? |
Lol. I think you got it right the second time.
_________________
"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange |
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Mugwump
Joined: 28 Jul 2007
Location: Between London and Melbourne
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| Tannin wrote: | | So I stood there on the doorstep stark bollock naked ....for what seemed like almost an hour .... before she went on her way. |
And when she got back to the kerb, she turned to her eyes to the heavens and thanked God for finally answering her prayers.
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Two more flags before I die! |
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bucksisgod 
Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Location: Rock hard
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| Tannin wrote: | Oh. Sorry. In that case, correct that last paragraph to read as follows:
| Tannin wrote: | | So I stood there on the doorstep stark bollock naked for what seemed like almost an hour (but was probably not much more than three seconds) goggling at her stupendous cleavage until, overcome by the sight of my giant industrial size cucumber she asked if I was going to invite her in for some mind-bogglingly athletic horizontal personal tuition. Hurriedly shedding assorted items of clothing on the carpet, she accompanied me to the penthouse where I proudly showed her my enormous black satin-covered trampoline. Barely giving her time to take in the pulsing disco spotlights, mirrored ceiling, and highly erotic wall hangings stolen from an ancient Indian temple, I proposed that we have some gloriously uninhibited sex, to which she replied "Not today honey, I'm actually David's mother and space aliens don't do sex. Not like humans. On the planet Wayfaroutcool where I come from, we mate in the shower by depositing a curly intimate hair in the plughole". |
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Can someone please pass me a tissue and a cigarette?
_________________
Need a pen? try Pen Island. www. penisland. net |
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bucksisgod
Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Location: Rock hard
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Now that's romance
_________________
Need a pen? try Pen Island. www. penisland. net |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
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Bucks, we need you around here more often.
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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swoop42 
Whatcha gonna do when he comes for you?
Joined: 02 Aug 2008
Location: The 18
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| bucksisgod wrote: | | Tannin wrote: | Oh. Sorry. In that case, correct that last paragraph to read as follows:
| Tannin wrote: | | So I stood there on the doorstep stark bollock naked for what seemed like almost an hour (but was probably not much more than three seconds) goggling at her stupendous cleavage until, overcome by the sight of my giant industrial size cucumber she asked if I was going to invite her in for some mind-bogglingly athletic horizontal personal tuition. Hurriedly shedding assorted items of clothing on the carpet, she accompanied me to the penthouse where I proudly showed her my enormous black satin-covered trampoline. Barely giving her time to take in the pulsing disco spotlights, mirrored ceiling, and highly erotic wall hangings stolen from an ancient Indian temple, I proposed that we have some gloriously uninhibited sex, to which she replied "Not today honey, I'm actually David's mother and space aliens don't do sex. Not like humans. On the planet Wayfaroutcool where I come from, we mate in the shower by depositing a curly intimate hair in the plughole". |
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Can someone please pass me a tissue and a cigarette? |
Make sure it's in that order to otherwise he'll end up with a tobacco stained phallus.
Very sticky stuff. |
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sixpoints
Joined: 27 Sep 2010
Location: Lulie Street
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David
to wish impossible things
Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: the edge of the deep green sea
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That's ridiculous. Who would do something so crazy? Sounds like Paul made the right choice.
On the other hand...
| Guardian commenter wrote: | | No doubt the beginning of some shite viral ad campaign. |
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