What made me laugh today...

[watt price tully]

From Greg Baum The Age online 30/11/13

In Rule 6 he notes:

6. Violence

There is no place for any act of violence on the field of play. But threats of it are allowable, if grammatically correct. These shall be excused by the term, "playing the game hard". If violence does break out, it must not be in ad breaks. Further to this protocol, the broadcast partner shall put to air every incident, feign horror that it has gone to air, apologise and repeat.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/sport/cricket/anything-goes-thats-the-spirit-20131129-2yhbq.html#ixzz2m5eN9c8

[watt price tully]

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-12-01/man-charged-for-stealing-police-car-while-naked/5127230

[stui magpie]

I'm sure every man who has been in a relationship can relate to a time when, while out shopping with the missus, you felt yourself inexorably losing the will to live.

This bloke took it to the final solution.

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/witnesses-say-a-chinese-man-jumped-to-his-death-after-arguing-with-his-girlfriend-about-an-overlylong-shopping-excursion/story-fnixwvgh-1226779532514

[swoop42]

Down down prices are down.

[Dark Beanie]

Now my partner is not the most avid shopper but I can't see him jumping off the roof of Chadstone!

FFS it is not that bad, you can do what he does when he's had enough, leaves me at the shops & I ring when finished to get picked up.

[think positive]

[watt price tully]

An oldie but I still chuckled!


The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist


Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided
that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice
together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they
put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and
Posteriors".

The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". This was
also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and
High Colonics" - No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal
Retentives" - thumbs down again.. Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still
no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" -
unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a
chance. "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no
good. "Loons and Moons" - forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the
docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds
and Ends". Everyone loved it.

[Morrigu]

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!".

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

[Jezza]

^ Haha I love it!!

[Lazza]

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well...
We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV.
We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him

[think positive]

Hahaha! Love it

[mandy]

Please be careful about road safety this Christmas season. With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" with friends. Well, three days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several wines, followed by some rather nice scotch. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before ... I took a taxi home. Sure enough, on the way home there was a random breath test road block.

Since it was a taxi they waved it past.

I arrived home safely and without incident. This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't even know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.

[think positive]

Hahahahahaha! Now that's clever!

(Ps, can I make a booking??)

[stui magpie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY&feature=youtu.be

Quite funny, at least I thought so, mainly because of the message.

Warning, does contain adult language and themes,

[think positive]

Nice dresses when they dance with jesus