Dealing With It All

[Special Delivery]

This is the first time I have actually spoken about September 27 since I witnessed the performance first hand-so bear with me.

It is the true meaning of catharsis.

Thirty million people have asked me what happened, taunted, smirked, text messaged me, E-mailed me, sent me anonymous letters with newspaper clippings, sang songs, then repeated the dose all over again with the usual predictable trash talk and hassling that comes when your own team were bundled out before September.

Robert Walls was the first to really piss me off. Mike Sheahan a close second.

Doesn't one game make all the difference in an 'expert's' opinion?

Robert Walls' 'Disgraceful' column, I originally thought, was a self appraisal on his own commentating (or attempt at) of AFL football throughout the year. Then again it was only the Age-Hi Caroline.

Robert Walls tipped the Dogs to finish top four. As did Caroline.

How many less papers does the Age sell than it's rival each week? That's right. Half I think. Dimwits.

I couldn't go to Victoria Park on the Saturday Night. Last year was emotionally tolling. Does that make me weak? Who knows.

I went straight from the ground to home-stood naked in the bathroom with the paint still on my face and stood there staring for fifteen minutes straight-right into my own eyes. Was it all worth it? I remember I said to my mum back in 1992 that the heartache of supporting Collingwood was simply too much after we finished third (equal first on points) and were eliminated in the first final. Too much it was.

Mum, a Collingwood supporter but only because of my dad, who left her when I was four (now that's committment), and someone who I never listened to regarding footy as she had no idea-nor did she have an opinion anyway... just looked at me and said (Scottie, once you start supporting Collingwood mate-it's a life long thing-there's no turning back...).

This from a woman who couldn't name three players of the side. But I stood there stunned-so true I thought. I might start listening to her about other things perhaps. Smart woman my mum.

And so 11 years later I am standing there naked into the mirror at 5.50 pm on Sepember 27-in complete denial and disbelief that my 26 weeks of screaming, cheering, chanting, bellowing, unwavering support, goading, harassing of other supporters, heckles, sweat, tears (QF final and prelim), exhilaration (Adelaide at AAMI), desolation (Hawthorn rnd 12), and hope (from Kangaroos rnd 14 onwards), were snuffed out in 100 minutes of poor footy.

It was only a football game-why was I crying? It was only a football game-why did I care about the comments from the waves of people about to follow? Why did I cry myself to sleep that night? Is it a pre-occupation with my dad? Is Collingwood the only memorable link I had with him... when we both would run to Vic Park on a blustery Saturday afternoon, my legs not long enough to keep up with him but he would always peer over his shoulder to ensure I wasn't too far behind and I wasn't worried-I had Pies on my mind-both forms-with one running down my arm as I was trying to eat, run and make sure my scarf didn't fall off my 10 year old neck.

Anyway, I had a shower, neatly placed my black and white materials on my bed and stared at them for another fifteen minutes. Then I went to the Hotel where I work and faced the music. Lions supporters everywhere-and all of the staff looked straight at me when I walked in amongst the sea of patrons. They dared not gloat-they knew where I was at.

Wrestling with demons.

I had enough after about an hour. I read an article in the paper about Collingwood and the history of the Club-why we are what we are and what separates us from the rest of the competition. That helped a little.

Then went to Brunswick St for a drink-couldn't get drunk.

Too tired. A year was catching up with me-big time. Haven;t read any article in detail about the game-but some people have very short memories.

I think that will do. Robert Walls is on my hit list in a big way. Mike Sheahan a close second as mentioned. What this means I do not know but it feels good saying it anyway.

As for all of you-'Side By Side We Stick Together' never had a greater meaning than it does at the present.

Go 'Pies-I love you Collingwood.

[magpiemuse]

wow.... this is straight from the heart. I am lost for words and very moved.

This is why we are what we are - When you love Collingwood you learn all about love, passion, loyalty, determination, the power of memories... (even those that have been tucked away, undisturbed for years), emotional highs and lows..... and bitter, bitter disappointment.


And your mum is dead right.

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If and when you feel like it, click on the link and have a read. Though it is seems to be written part in jest, there sure are some truths in it. http://bulletin.ninemsn.com.au/bulletin/EdDesk.nsf/All/571502BF204432B2CA256DAF007C10D5

[Pa Marmo]

You have echoed my exact sentiments. You try to explain to people that its different following Collingwood but they just dont understand. People ask me do I love footy I say no, I like the footy but I love the Magpies. If collingwood stop playing footy and start playing marbles I will be right there cheering them on.............................Floreat Pica

[Swanny21]

Special Delivery, you are what makes Collingwood. Great post, and let me tell you that I am not looking forward to the resumption of school on monday morning and the taunts that I will get from the "increasing" number of bears supporters who are coming out of the woodwork.

The AFL experiment with the bears is working, but at what cost? Let's see them take their turn at the lower end of the ladder and see whether these twats have any heart. I seriously doubt it.

GO PIES!!!

[maggie20ct]

SP - I found tears welling up in my eyes as I read that, thank you for sharing.....fantastic post, keep on keeping on

[Yobbo^LuKa]

I drank a whole slab upon returning home from the game. Sometimes one slab isnt enough and sometimes heartache can take over everything...Including ones capacity to get sloshed!

I cant wait til the day when we are the supporters with not a care in the world as our Captain holds the Premiership Cup aloft...

[Special Delivery]

Therein lies one last moment of this year too yobbo.

Afetr all the criticism and harrassment after the GF...

How much sweeter will it be when we hold the premiership cup now?

The pride we will all feel has magnified immeasurably and every non-supporter knows it very, very well-God help them whem Collingwood do win the premiership.

And you thought 1990 was big.

[Adz]

Robert Walls comments were spot on. He's a true former champion. He knows whats going on. Mike Sheehan is just a moron. But what Walls said was true. Im am not looking forward to school either!

[Cam]

ya i face my nest of essenscum supporters on monday. one nice one nasty two bandwagoners and one loudmouth who shows up on tuesdays. funny how getting beaten by port does nothing til chill their barbs.

it was a dagger this year. bringing back the late 70s early 80s for me. for those older they probably find some of it akin to the 60s. I feel pain, childhood pain, deep seated disappointment pain. Pain that you are powerless to control, to stop, to do anything about. You forget what hope is, what faith is, can you believe again? genuinely? without it just being positive-lets-get-on-with-it words? Collingwood. You just have ache and to wear it.

[-¤bRoDiE'S cHiCk 4 LyF!-¤]

that makes me so sad! who eva wrote that is a true supporter its true side by side we have to stick togther!! there could always be next year we need to have hope!! i cried and i am only 15 years old and i havn't gone for collingwood for that long like some others 10 years and so on it is just so sad to see ur team get into the grand final after all the games and everything and just lose again people ask themself why us why collingwood but noone knows i hope its a better year next year!!
catch ya latterZ!
eZzA!

[Dr Alf Andrews]

I made myself watch the replay last night, but I only lasted till half time.

One of the things that struck me about the game was what a complete non-event it was. It was the epitome of a dud Grand Final. Unlike the 2002 Grand Final which was a classic.

In a strange sort of way it made me feel better knowing that our 2003 loss was a match that will be quickly forgotten. Brisbane's supposed moment of glory was actually one of the worst games of football for the year. That's kind of fitting, I reckon.

I think this game told me more about my hatred of Brisbane than anything else.

After the 2002 Grand Final I was simultaneous gutted but proud. I felt honoured to have witnessed my Club perform so well, despite the sadness of the loss. I was in tears on-and-off for several days afterwards.

This year was more an overwhelming sense of emptiness. It set in some time in the second quarter and I don't think it will ever really go away. It was more a sense of the absurdity of life itself than anything really to do with football or Collingwood. We could win the next 10 premierships and I don't think that emptiness would ever go.

That's life, I guess.

Empty.

Meaningless.

And football is just another empty component of that over-riding meaninglessness.

That game left me beyond tears. It just left me empty. The only times I've gone close to crying over it was when I've seen how it's affected other Collingwood supporters. And my sorrow is for them ... not for me. Because I think I'm past caring.

Either that or I've taken a ride up that well-known river in Egypt.

Here's to an endless summer

[couragous cloke]

Alf your a smart bugga, and funny

top post SD! your a champ.

i was sooooo proud and looking forward to the next year in 2002 but this year was completely different. I wasnt sad, i was PISSED OFF! i was shocked, embarrassed and empty. But... thats football i guess.

So... i can take two in a row, but three? i dont think i could do that, i suppose that makes me weak but geez i luv the club so much that i couldnt let it effect my life like it always does.

As they say on the footy show song, "its more than a game"

Bloody oath it is! and there always has to be a loser in it all. unfortunatly collingwood seem to be that loser more often than not. i suppose we could look on the bright side and say we did knock out Port once again


The way i see it, it all went wrong in the second Preliminary Final, as i was sittin in the lounge room with a whole bunch of collingwood supporters, we were watching sydney make their move just before 3Qtime. I said to every1, Geez GO SWANS! and they all looked at me! "who gives a shit who wins!" i thought to myself, I DO! Brisbane are so intimidating, i would have givin anything to have played sydney! ANYTHING! unfortunatly sydney failed to kick a goal in the last quarter, while i was left sitting there in disapointment, every1 was looking forward to next week... I wish they saw what i could see.

BUT... after all that heartbreak, I'll be there next year with my legends membership and reserved seat EVERYGAME! GO PIES FOREVER!

[TAYLAW]

If the swans had of just ran a bit harder i think we would all be still dancing in the streets today

[commonwombat]

C.C, I respect yr motivation re 2nd preliminary final but barracking for the Swans!!! One can lower oneself just SO far!! Please tell me you were drunk at the time. I am shocked, deeply shocked.

[raymond35]