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stui magpie ![Gemini Gemini](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_gemini.gif)
![](images/transdot.gif) Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
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![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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^
Hah.
I asked the wife last night if I was the only one she'd been with.
She said "yes", then added, "All the rest were at least 7's" ![Confused](images/smiles/icon_confused.gif) _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Culprit ![Cancer Cancer](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_cancer.gif)
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![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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The Wife and I tried to spruce things up so she dressed up as a policewoman last night and giggled, "You're being charged with being good in bed..."
After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence. |
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stui magpie ![Gemini Gemini](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_gemini.gif)
![](images/transdot.gif) Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
![](images/avatars/1596087654633bfec91ad1b.jpg)
![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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Culprit ![Cancer Cancer](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_cancer.gif)
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![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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^Classic KBW ![Laughing](images/smiles/icon_lol.gif) |
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pietillidie
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A slice of apple pie costs $4 in Barbados. The same slice of apple pie costs $5 in Jamaica, and $3 in Trinidad and Tobago.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. _________________ In the end the rain comes down, washes clean the streets of a blue sky town.
Help Nick's: http://www.magpies.net/nick/bb/fundraising.htm |
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think positive ![Libra Libra](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_libra.gif)
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![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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stui magpie wrote: | ^
Hah.
I asked the wife last night if I was the only one she'd been with.
She said "yes", then added, "All the rest were at least 7's" ![Confused](images/smiles/icon_confused.gif) |
hehehehe!! _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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stui magpie ![Gemini Gemini](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_gemini.gif)
![](images/transdot.gif) Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
![](images/avatars/1596087654633bfec91ad1b.jpg)
![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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Pinched from Facebook.
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops an old Harley rider for traveling faster than the posted speed limit:
He asks the old biker his name.
“Fred.” He replies.
“Fred what?” The officer asks.
“Just Fred.” The old man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the old biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The old man tells him that he used to have a last name, but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The old biker replies.
“It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, and residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! I got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. I got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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stui magpie ![Gemini Gemini](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_gemini.gif)
![](images/transdot.gif) Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
![](images/avatars/1596087654633bfec91ad1b.jpg)
![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
“Son, where were you today?”
“At school.” The Robot slaps the son.
“Ouch! Okay, I was at a friends house.”
“What were you doing?”
“We were watching Kung Fu Panda.” The Robot slaps the son.
“Hey! All right, it was a porn film.”
“What?” says the dad, “Why, I didn’t even know what porn was when I was your age!”
The Robot slaps the dad.
“He’s certainly your son, all right,” says the mom.
The Robot slaps the mom. _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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stui magpie ![Gemini Gemini](templates/subSilver/images/icon_mini_gemini.gif)
![](images/transdot.gif) Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
![](images/avatars/1596087654633bfec91ad1b.jpg)
![](images/transdot.gif) Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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A Wife came Home early and found her Husband in their Bedroom making love to a very Attractive Young Woman. She was very Upset.
"You are a Disrespectful Pig!" she Cried.
"How dare you do this to me – a Faithful Wife, the Mother of your Children! I'm Leaving you. I want a Divorce, NOW!"
The Husband calmly replied, "Hang on just a Minute Love. At least let me tell you what Happened."
"Fine, go ahead", the Wife Sobbed, "but they will be the last Words you say to me!"
The Husband Began:
"Well, as I was getting into the Car at Work to drive Home, this Young Lady here asked me for a Lift. She looked so Distressed, Helpless and Defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the Car."
"She was very Thin, not well Dressed and very Dirty and told me that she hadn't Eaten for Three Days."
"Out of Compassion, I brought her Home and Warmed up the Pizza I made for you last Night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on Weight. The Poor thing Ate it, Ravenously."
"She was Dirty. I suggested she have a Shower. While Showering, I noticed her Clothes were Filthy and Threadbare. I threw them away."
"I gave her the Designer Jeans that you’ve had for a Few Years, but don’t Wear because you say they are too Tight."
"I gave her Underwear, your Anniversary Present from me, which you don’t Wear because you said I don't have Good Taste."
"I gave her the Sexy Blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t Wear just to annoy her. "
"I also donated those Boots you bought at an expensive Boutique but don’t Wear because someone at Work has the same Pair."
The Husband Paused, took a quick Breath and continued:
"She was so Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the Door, she turned to me with Tears in her Eyes and said, “Please Sir... Do you have anything else that your Wife doesn’t use?”" _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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